Casey looked at Xander, too, willing him not to remain angry with the older man.
At the same time she recognised that Brad Henderson backing down on the custody battle now meant that Xander definitely didn’t need to marry her!
CHAPTER TWELVE
‘WELL…that was pretty traumatic, wasn’t it?’ she said over-brightly, once Xander had returned from walking Brad out to the door.
Xander looked at her from between narrowed lids, pleased that Brad had backed off from a custody battle over Lauren, and more than happy to forgive the man and assure him that of course he could see his granddaughter—any time he wanted to.
It was the fact that there was now no reason for Casey to marry him that was causing him to frown.
Causing him to frown? He wanted to hit something!
‘Another brandy?’ he offered.
‘I think I’ve already had enough, thanks,’ Casey declined. ‘Well, what do we do now?’ she asked, in that bright voice that grated Xander’s already frayed nerves.
‘What do you want to do?’ he asked cautiously.
‘I don’t think that’s up to me, do you?’
‘Who else is it up to, then?’ Xander challenged.
Casey smiled wryly. ‘I suppose we should cancel the wedding. Move my own and Josh’s things back to the house. You see—it was just as well that I didn’t put it on the market.’
She could look a little less happy about this, Xander fumed, wanting to wipe that smile right off her face.
Her heart was definitely breaking, Casey decided, as Xander took his time in answering her. Probably trying to find the words that would cause the least awkwardness, she acknowledged leadenly.
There was nothing he could say that wasn’t going to hurt her!
He no longer had any need to marry her. She wasn’t going to have more children with him that they could watch grow up together. She most certainly wasn’t going to grow old with him!
‘It’s a little late for Josh and I to move out this evening, so if it’s okay with you I think we’ll leave it until the morning,’ she suggested, trying desperately to keep her voice steady.
‘No, that most certainly isn’t okay with me!’ Xander snarled.
‘You want me to wake Josh up and take him away from here tonight?’ Casey gasped, and she stared across at him incredulously.
Surely he couldn’t be that cruel? It was going to be difficult enough explaining to Josh why there was no longer going to be a wedding, or a stepsister and stepfather, without waking him up to tell him that in what was the middle of the night to him!
‘No, of course I don’t want that,’ Xander almost roared.
She gave a dazed shake of her head. ‘I don’t understand…’
Xander’s mouth tightened. ‘We had—have a deal, Casey. We get married, and I provide for Josh’s future, remember?’
Well, of course she remembered. But with Brad Henderson’s visit, his apology, surely the reason for their marriage had now been removed…
‘Don’t worry, Xander, I’m not going to hold you to any of that.’ She shrugged. ‘After all, neither of us have signed the contract, so there was never actually anything in writing, was there? Besides, the fact that the marriage isn’t going to take place makes that contract null and void anyway.’
Xander’s expression was stormy. His hands clenched at his sides in an effort to control his rising temper.
Casey was being so damned calm about all of this. So understanding. So unconcerned!
He drew in a ragged breath. ‘You don’t think we should consider going ahead with the marriage, anyway?’ he finally managed to bite out through gritted teeth.
Her eyes widened. ‘Why on earth would we do that?’
Because the thought of her just walking out of his life tomorrow was totally unacceptable! Because he wanted to marry her!
But not on the terms they had agreed. Oh, no, he wanted more than that. Much more than that…
‘It seemed like a good idea yesterday, so why not today?’ he queried.
‘But you heard Brad Henderson. He isn’t going ahead with the custody battle—’
‘Forget the custody battle!’ Xander growled. ‘Forget Brad Henderson! I’m talking about you and me. I’m—I’m attracted to you. And after yesterday evening I don’t think you can deny your own response to me, either. Isn’t that mutual attraction enough to be going on with?’
Casey stared at him, slightly stunned. Of course mutual attraction wasn’t enough to base a marriage on. She already knew from being married to Sam how fleeting, how insubstantial that was—and surely Xander had learnt that lesson only too well himself from his years with Chloe. Long, bitter years, when there was neither love nor respect on either side.
As for mentioning that embarrassing time in his study last night…!
She couldn’t quite meet the intensity of his gaze with her own as she answered him. ‘Xander, if you haven’t realised it yet, my marriage to Sam—the physical side of our relationship—was less than—satisfactory—’
‘In what way?’ Xander probed remorselessly.
‘In every way,’ she snapped back. ‘He was my first and only lover before—before yesterday. And by the time my marriage ended I couldn’t even bear to be in the same room with him, let alone have him touch me in that way. He was mocking and sarcastic about our—our sex-life. And I never—I never—It just never worked between the two of us,’ she choked.
‘What do you mean, mocking and sarcastic?’ Xander asked more gently.
‘Can’t you guess?’ Casey whispered. ‘Sam never lost an opportunity to tell me how frigid, cold and unresponsive I was. How it was my own fault that I could never reach—that I never—’ She looked up at Xander through tear-drenched eyes. ‘Do I have to actually spell it out for you?’ she cried.
No, she didn’t have to spell anything out to Xander. Not Sam Bridges’ deliberate cruelty to the young and inexperienced girl who had become his wife. Not the other man’s years of emotional battering that had made it impossible for Casey to ever be able to relax enough with him to find release for her own pleasure.
A pleasure that Xander knew she’d had no problem reaching in his arms.
While he’d had her lying on a desktop!
He still cringed at the thought of how that must have seemed to Casey. Even more so now that he knew he had been the first man to ever give her physical pleasure.
‘In the circumstances, I think it’s totally wrong for the two of us to marry now that there’s no reason for us to do so.’ Casey’s voice cracked emotionally, her eyes awash with unshed tears.
Tears that he had caused by his insensitivity. Tears that he wanted to kiss from her eyes. That he wanted to banish from her life for ever!
‘Casey—’
‘Don’t, Xander!’ she choked, as he would have reached out and grasped her arms. ‘I don’t want you to touch me again!’ She turned away from him blindly. ‘I will move my own and Josh’s things out of here tomorrow, once I’ve taken him to school, and after that you need never see either of us ever again,’ she added brokenly. ‘Until then I think it would be better if we just stayed away from each other!’
‘Casey, please—’
‘No!’ she told him forcefully, as he would have reached for her a second time. ‘The last thing I need is your pity!’
Pity? Xander was too filled with a burning rage at Sam Bridges’ complete callousness towards Casey, the lies he had told her in order to cover up his own inadequacies as a man, to be able to feel such a feeble emotion as pity. And he certainly didn’t feel that emotion towards Casey…
Casey blinked her tears away as she looked up at Xander, able to see the same disgust and anger on his face she had so often seen on Sam’s. ‘See what a lucky escape you’ve had, Xander?’ she whispered. ‘I’m sure you no more want a frigid wife than Sam did.’
He shook his head in denial. ‘You aren’t frigid, Casey—’
‘No?’ she said scathingly. ‘Then I must just be cold and unresponsive!’ She squeezed her eyes shut. ‘I have to go, Xander. I have to get out of here! I have to get away from you!’ She turned quickly on her heel and fled the room.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SHE barely had time to close the bedroom door behind her before it was forced open again. She turned sharply to face Xander as he followed her into the room and closed the door firmly behind him to lean back against it.
‘I told you—’
‘I know what you told me,’ he cut in softly. ‘I heard every word that you said. Now I want you to listen to me for a few minutes, okay?’
She eyed him warily, but could see only warmth in that blue gaze now. His jaw was no longer clenched, and an encouraging smile was now curving those sculptured lips.
Her hands were fisted at her sides even as she swallowed hard before speaking. ‘I don’t see what else there is to say…’
‘Don’t you?’ he breathed. ‘Dear Lord, Casey, there is so much. So much! The first thing you need to know is that you are not any of the things Bridges told you that you were.’
‘But—’