“You don’t think…” Gemma’s voice trailed off.
I lean back against the wall, still feeling dizzy and nauseated. I have no desire to go back out there right now.
“Annie,” I hear Gemma’s soft voice penetrate the door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” I reach up and unlock the door for her.
She enters slowly, giving me an empathetic look. She looks perfect wearing a pair of ripped jeans and pale pink sweater that hangs off her shoulders. “Babe,” she gives me a slight smile. “Is there any chance…” She trails.
Deep down, I know there’s a good chance. We were never careful. We’d gotten the Plan B pill one time, but I can’t remember if I took it or if it was at the bottom of my purse. My teary eyes lift to meet Gemma.
“I brought this.” She pulls a pregnancy test from her back pocket.
I take it from her. It’s still wrapped in it’s plastic packaging.
My grandmother would be so disappointed to see me like this now, crying over a boy in the bathroom of a gangster house.
A few months ago this version of me didn’t even exist, and even though I think I should be disappointed in myself, there's a bigger part of me that has no regrets.
It’s Gio.
I wonder how he’ll take it if I am pregnant. Would he be happy?
He’ll be an amazing dad, that I know. He’s thoughtful and considerate. He’s tough, but kind.
“What do you think he’ll say?” I ask Gemma, still holding on to the pregnancy test.
She slumps down beside me with her back to the wall . “Doesn’t matter.” She answers. “Whatever you want to do, we’ll support you.”
“Humor me,” I try.
She thinks over the question for a moment. “We had a happy childhood.” She finally says. “Dad worked a lot, but mom was always here, ya know? She loved the hell out of us.” She takes a deep breath. “What I’m trying to say here is Gio isn’t lacking love and even though he acts like a big asshole most of the time, he has a good heart. I think if you are pregnant, and you choose to keep it, he will support you and love the hell out of that baby.” Gemma smiles. “And I for sure will.”
I wipe away a stray tear. “Thank you.”
“I’ll give you a minute.” She pats my thigh and leaves me in the bathroom.
We stare at the stick for a full three minutes after I pee on it.
Two lines.
Pregnant.
Gio sits behind a panel of glass looking at me expectantly. His face holds days of stubble, more than I’m used to seeing on him. His eyes are glassy and colder than they normally look. I move my weak legs to the chair on the other side of the glass separating us and sit down.
I wonder why we’re separated by the damn wall of glass. He’s not a violent criminal, he’s not going to hurt me. I want to touch him, feel his skin against mine. I want that comfort again.
In unison we pick up the phone that connects us, and allow us to hear each other's voices.
“Annie,” he greets, his voice is hoarse and raw but I still relish the sound. “I’m glad you came.”
My eyes fill with tears as I look at him on the other side. The man in front of me looks rough, not like the man I fell in love with. “I’m sorry.” I whisper.
“For what?” He asks. “You think you should be here instead?”
I have no words so I just meet his eyes. We both know the answer, yes, it should be me in there.
He looks down, and then back up at me with an intense gaze. “No.” He tells me. “Don’t ever think like that. You will never be the one in this chair.” His words cut through me like fire. “Say it to me now Annie. You will never be the one in this chair.”