“Banana,” Johnny smiles and opens up his arms to embrace me.
“Johnny,” I lean into his embrace, tears forming in my eyes. “You okay?”
“It sucks.” He tells me when we’re finished hugging. He sits down on the full sized bed with plush pillows and pats the comforter for me to join him. “I’m getting there.” He adds.
The room is gorgeous. It has dark fake hardwood flooring, creamy white paint, and nature inspired artwork. It’s nicer than any place we’ve ever lived in. Hell, I would move in here if I could. Gio must be paying a fortune for this place.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him. “I should have protected you better.”
“Nah,” he waves a hand. “I fucked up. I should have never brought you there.”
I open my mouth to respond, but he cuts me off. “I’ve been thinking about it, Annie. I brought you to the mouth of the lion. I should have never asked you to be a part of that. If I would have left you at home he wouldn’t be using you like he is.”
I frown. “He’s not using me.”
“No, he is.” He cuts in. “He’s using you to manipulate me.”
“Johnny-”
“I’ll stay here, Banana. I’m gonna get clean, for you, and then I’ll get rid of him.”
My heart stills. “Johnny, you can’t get rid of him.”
“Why? Why not?” His voice rises.
“Calm down-”
“No, Annie. I’m gonna kill him.” He stands, pacing now. “I’m gonna fucking kill him.” He mimes shooting a gun.
“Everything okay?” George pops his head in at the commotion.
“Bang!” Johnny shouts, miming shooting George.
“Okay, buddy.” George looks at me. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave now.”
“Okay.” I reach for Johnny’s shoulders. “I’m okay J. Hear me? I’m okay. Just focus on you. I’m proud of you.” I can tell he’s not hearing me as I kiss his cheek and leave his room. As soon as I step into the hall the tears begin to fall down my cheeks.
My brother is fucked up. More than alcohol and gambling, and I’ve been too afraid to admit it. I look around at the pretty, shiny halls of the facility Gio had placed him in. Way nicer that anything I’ve ever done for him.
“You okay?” Charlie asks when I reach the lobby.
“Fine. Let’s go.” I need to get out of here, I need to get away from this place.
Marg calls a polite goodbye, but I’m already through the door. I climb into Charlie’s Acadia and curl into myself. With my head in my eyes I start to cry harder.
To his credit, Charlie is silent as he paces the car in drive and pulls onto the road. After a moment, I pull myself together again. I wipe the wetness from my face and adjust my hair in its messy bun.
“It’s not my place to say,” Charlie starts talking now that I’m semi composed. “But he’s different since he met you.”
I turn to study him. Charlie is a handsome man with a head of dark, loose curls. He’s thinner than the other guys, definitely not the muscle of the team, but he has a sweet smile and he’s the nicest.
“What do you mean?”
He thinks about the question before responding. “He’s happier.” He finally offers. “He’s more enthusiastic, he shows up earlier. He’s not as drunk.” Charlie chuckles. “I haven’t seen him this…alive in a long time. I don’t know if ever.”
I don’t respond. I didn’t know Gio before. Is he happier? Is he more alive with me?
I’m alive with him, I know that.