Johnny scoffs, “She drives like a granny.”
“Hey,” I shout defensively. “I do not.”
They aren’t completely wrong though. I do like to go the speed limit and not get in trouble.
Unlike my family, I’m not a daredevil.
Why risk it?
They both laugh with easy smiles spread on their faces.
“Okay banana. We need a driver for when we get the money. You in?”
There is a huge lump forming in my throat.
A driver?
A getaway driver.
This doesn’t sound like a good idea.
“It’s a solid plan.” Rob adds. “In and out job, we get the money and go. No one is even going to know.” he smiles reassuringly. “Plus, the people we’re taking it from are awful. Puppy killers.”
I know better than this, really I do.
“Also,” Johnny added. “I really fucking need the money.”
I’m not a bad person.
Is it wrong if the people you were stealing from are bad people?
I’m surrounded by men who are cheering and happy.
They think we’ve won, but honestly, nothing about the state of this city makes me feel like celebrating.
There are no winners here, just a lot of death.
Grief is a funny thing, I think. It’s all-consuming. Wrapping its sharp claws around you until you can’t breathe and everything feels far away.
Grief is the only thing I’ve felt since her death.
Everything feels harder. Words feel far away, nothing feels good or sacred. Everything is wrong without her here.
The only relief is that first moment when I wake up in the morning before I remember that my mother was murdered.
I guess grief hits us all differently. My sister, Gemma, is spiraling. Even I can’t reel her in. She sleeps all day and then is out all night doing god-knows-what. My father hasn’t left his study in weeks. My brother, Gian, is the only one of us imitating any semblance of normalcy. He’s on a power trip, not that I can blame him.
We all want revenge.
I swirl the glass of amber liquid in front of me. Whiskey. I think I’ll find revenge at the bottom of another glass.
My family is reeling and so is la Famiglia.
We were told not to get revenge. Not for my mother, not for our boss, our underboss, and both of their sons who are all dead now.
A New York boss made a deal with their murderers to save his fiance's life, and now we all have to abide by it. Even if it means revenge is off the table.
So I take another chug of my whiskey.