I miss my mom, every fucking day. It’s an ache in my heart that never goes away. Some days it’s duller than others but it’s always there.
I miss Liam. I long for his soothing voice, the way he put me at ease. I want to feel his strong arms wrapped around me. I want to feel safe and loved and cherished.
The tears come now, heavier.
“Gem,” Annie tries to sit up, the action causing her healing body pain. Gio promptly stops her.
“Gemma,” Gio says softly, “is it because we didn’t name her after you?”
Everyone pauses for a second before I start laughing. Once I start, I can’t stop. Even Gian’s face curls into a smile and Annie chuckles alongside her husband.
I take in the smiling faces of my family and the newborn baby in the room.
Leis an phian a thagann an neart.
Pain becomes strength.
I close my eyes, seeing the detail of the letters inked across Liam’s chest. Maybe the words have some truth to them.
Maybe from all the shit we’ve been through, we can come out stronger.
I WAKE UP GASPING FOR breath more than I would ever like to admit. My chest is tight and sore. I collapse back into my bed holding my chest and struggling to even out my breathing.
Everything is fucked.
The image of a whiskey bottle with a flaming rag breaking through my window and exploding never goes away. It haunts my waking and sleeping hours. I look around every room like it’s going to happen again.
I’m waiting for the burst of flames to come back for me. Unknowingly I reach for the bumpy scar on my calf, skimming my fingers over the red jagged skin. It serves as a memory of another loss.
Even with the warning I was barely successful at getting myself out. Declan and my father were in his office, going over plans for the next attack. I had walked into the hallway when I saw her name flash across the scree
n on my phone.
My heart was fucking pounding in my chest.
Gemma.
Gemma fucking DelGado.
Hearing her voice was like an angel waking me from my nightmares. The sound calmed me and I wasn’t even registering her words at first.
“Leave.” That one still haunts me.
She was warning me. Repaying the favor, even though I had failed at protecting her family.
I ran to the kitchen first, that’s where my mom was. She was humming pulling a cake out of the oven. The kitchen was her favorite room in the house. Big and beautiful with a large range and a sink overlooking the backyard.
“We need to go.” I told her.
She was stubborn, a trait each of her kids had inherited. She didn’t want to listen to me. It was at least a minute before I got her out the door, noticing we had no guards outside. I led her quietly to my car, catching one of the Italians pointing a gun at us.
My mother screamed. A blood curdling sound that alerted everyone else to our presence. So much for going back for Da and Declan.
I shot the man, a bullet to the head, quicker than he could get one off. Then we ran, ran as fast as we could. We only turned around when the house behind us lit up in an orange glow. My mother collapsed at the sight, dropping to her knees with a palm over her mouth.
The orange embers felt like they were burning us down with them. With my phone burning in the house we had to walk a mile to Lachlan’s. By the time he sent men over there the house was past the point of no return, and my father and brother’s bodies burned with it.
“Hey.” I hear Chay’s soft voice on the other side of my bedroom door. I’ve been living with my mother and two kid sisters. I feel like a failure of a man, living at home, but I also wasn’t about to leave them alone.