“I didn’t tell you parents,” she says quickly. “I didn’t want them to be mad and she was already gone, ya know? What good would it have done?”
“Kelly,” I say her name slowly. “Tell me what happened.”
“Auden would be…” She trails off. “Embarrassed.”
“I know she was planning to have sex that night, did something happen with a boy?”
Her eyes shift when I tell her what I know and she nods slowly. “Yeah, it was Carson, they went upstairs and then she came back down really quick after and she was crying. I asked her what was wrong and she…” Kelly slows, taking a deep breath before she continues. “She said he was going too fast, and it hurt and she asked him to stop but he wouldn’t. So she went to run away I guess and he got angry.”
I feel another piece of my heart break, falling and shattering. I wish I was there for her, I wish I could have told her that guys like that suck. That I would chase them down and kill them all for her.
That she deserves better.
Even with the pain, I needed to know, to hear this.
“And then she left.” Kelly finishes. “She called an Uber and she left.” Kelly is crying now tears streaming down her cheeks. “I didn’t want to upset anyone anymore, so I just didn’t say anything.”
“It’s okay,” I tell her, wrapping her in a hug. “You were just trying to be a good friend.”
Kelly shakes her head, spewing her own regrets. Wishing she would have chased after Auden or done something.
I tell her not to think like that.
You can’t live in the past, can’t let the demons hunt you down.
When I step out of the bungalow later, I feel different.
Complete in a weird way. Like I solved a puzzle and now I have one less thing holding me down, one less weight on my chest.
There's still so much pain. It swallows me whole some nights, but I steal a glance over at Noah. The engagement ring still sits on my finger, waiting for the wedding band to complete the set.
I’m not fixed, not even close, and neither is he. I still wake with nightmares, visions of things I never want to remember again.
But right now, I feel a shift. I think I can feel her near me, telling me it’s okay. Auden was always more forgiving than me. For being younger, she was kinder, more gracious. I think she would tell me to move on, to live my life to the fullest. For both of us.
I wonder if Auden is happy, if she can rest peacefully knowing that I know now.