It looked like messages from my number and then… from Auden’s.
Auden, 11:00 PM: Mikky, I need you.
Auden, 11:01 PM: Please answer.
Auden, 11:05 PM: I need you to come pick me up.
Auden, 11:06 PM: PLEASE
Auden, 11:07 PM: Where are you?
Auden, 11:08 PM: ???
Auden, 11:12 PM: I’m scared.
My chest caves, sinking into my chest so quickly it hurts. Instinctively I grab at, trying to hold my heart, protect it from all of the pain currently wrecking it. I can’t control the tears that spill over my lashes, dripping down onto the paper in large droplets.
This can’t be real.
“What is this?” I ask my mother, heaving a breath.
“Mik,” she coos, reaching across the table for my hands and holding them within her own. “Mik, they’re text messages from that night. Auden sent them to you.”
I can’t breath, my lungs burn, fire racing through them. She had been trying to text me, trying to call me that night. Less than an hour before she died.
Where was I?
I squeeze my eyes shut, willing anything to come back to me at that moment. What was I doing when my sister was begging me for help? I can’t even remember where I left my phone, if I was even holding it when she was texting me.
“I never saw these,” I tell her frantically.
“I know,” she squeezes my hands.
A thought comes to mind and I pull my phone from my bag. I never delete messages, and since she died I specifically never deleted Auden’s. I pull up the messages app searching for her name.
I spin the phone to show my mom.
Auden, 9:00 PM: Thank you for the pep talk. Say hi to Noah!
Mikaela, 9:00 PM: Love ya. Stay safe! Wink, wink.
“I don’t have those on my phone. Mom, I haven’t deleted a single message from her. Why would I delete those?”
She studies the phone, reading the last messages I exchanged with my little sister. Wink, wink. I cringe. I had forgotten she planned to have sex for the first time that night.
I clench my hand over my stomach, suddenly feeling like I might throw up. Was that why she was coming to me? Did something happen with the boy she was interested in?
“Mikaela?” My mom’s voice breaks through the noise in my head. “It’s okay.” She coos.
“It’s not.” I try to keep myself from yelling but it’s hard with the ringing in my head and the tears that are free falling now. “She needed me! She was calling for help and I wasn’t there. I should have been there to help her.”
She leaves her seat, coming around
the table to hold me, rock me in her arms like I’m a baby again. “I know sweetheart, I know.”
Halloween Night - One Year Earlier
I LEAVE EDWARD IN THE kitchen, making my way out to the bar to get a drink that doesn’t burn my throat. The bartender hands me a glass of champagne, that I drink happily, and a bottle of beer for Noah.