As I waited to see what Ford would do, I silently begged him to choose me. Despite everything I’d just said, if he even hinted at wanting to try and come out, I would have taken it.
I wanted him that badly.
“I guess I should go,” he finally said.
My heart ached painfully in my chest. “Yeah, I guess you should.”
As he turned to head for the stairs, I called his name. He turned around so fast and with such a hopeful look, I felt like a dick. But I refused to back down. I’d already spent too many years allowing someone who’d claimed to love me shame me for having the audacity to want the things I and every other gay person deserved.
“What I said still stands,” I said. I walked up to him because I couldn’t help myself. I stroked my fingers down the bruise on his face. There was no mistaking how he leaned into my hand.
Like he knew this would be the last time I touched him like this.
We both knew it.
“I can make this stop,” I said.
I didn’t add that I’d make it stop as the sheriff of Pelican Bay and nothing more. As hard as it would be, I’d keep my emotions out of it.
Ford flinched at my words, then pulled away. “I’m okay. Thank you, Sheriff Wells.”
I let out the breath I’d been holding. “You’re welcome, Mr. Cornell.”
Ford turned and hurried up the stairs. I heard him say something at the top, but it only took a moment to realize he was talking to Dallas and Maddox. I couldn’t hear the conversation but used the moment to pull myself together. I went back to my tool bag and grabbed what I needed to start patching the wires so I could at least get the power back on in the house.
“Hey, Cam, how’s it going?” Maddox asked as he and his brother came down the stairs.
“Good,” I said. I forced myself to turn around because it was the polite thing to do.
“Where was Ford off to in such a hurry?” Maddox asked.
“He seemed upset,” Dallas added. “He okay?” His voice was barely a whisper, but I knew that was a result of his recent surgery to fix his vocal cords. His boyfriend, Nolan, had explained to me that Dallas had been through the same surgery multiple times but had always ended up losing his voice again after a couple of years, so the couple was prepared for that to happen again. And while the surgery had been successful, Dallas would never have his old voice back, but he was working with a speech therapist to strengthen his cords so he’d be easier to understand.
“He’s fine,” I said.
“And the marks on his face?” Maddox asked.
Well, growled, really.
I shook my head but didn’t say anything. Although I was starting to consider these men friends, I was still a law enforcement official. I couldn’t engage in talk about wanting to rip Jimmy’s limbs from his body and feed them to the various carnivores who lived at the men’s sanctuary.
“I don’t get it,” Maddox muttered. “He’s a fit guy… all he’s gotta do is lay his brother out one time—”
“Physical abuse isn’t about one person being stronger than another,” I said. “Abuse starts here,” I said as I pointed to my head. “I used to work with a female detective whose husband was beating the shit out of her. She was ex-army, carried a gun, and knew how to take down even the most dangerous of suspects with just her hands. She never once lifted a hand to her husband, no matter how many times he put her in the hospital.”
“What happened to her?” Dallas asked.
“Same thing that happens too many times. She forgave him when he said he was sorry and promised her for the thousandth time that he’d change. Last time he put her in a hospital, she left it in a body bag.”
“Fuck,” Maddox whispered.
“Yeah,” I muttered. My stomach felt like it had a pound of lead in it. That would be Ford someday. I knew it in my gut.
Before Maddox and Dallas could say anything else about Ford’s situation, I began explaining to them where I was at with the repairs. I worked for another hour to get the power on as the brothers went upstairs to get started on pulling down some water-damaged drywall in Walter’s bedroom. I heard them both shout when I got the power going, but I was in no mood to celebrate the small victory. I was quick to say my goodbyes to them as I packed my tools up, then hurried outside. I had plans to go to their house for dinner, since Puddles was spending the day with Isaac, Newt and, of course, Loki. But I was already considering what excuses I could make for why I couldn’t stay.