It was an ideal relationship.
On cue, Nolan said, “I didn’t take you away from any plans tonight, did I?”
He realized his mistake pretty quickly, and even though I couldn’t see him, I had a feeling his pale skin had pinkened with color. I cursed myself for the fact that I couldn’t see that.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “I just…I hope this didn’t mess up your night,” he murmured awkwardly.
It had most certainly messed up my night, but even if I’d been able to tell him so, I wouldn’t have. It’s not like I wanted to tell the man I’d been on my way for an anonymous hookup with a guy three towns over who I’d met on Grindr.
Well, “met” wasn’t the right term. I’d seen his post about his open-door policy tonight and had decided to take advantage, since I normally had to drive to a larger city to find a random guy to fuck.
One who didn’t give a shit if I didn’t talk dirty to him or engage in any kind of foreplay.
And while the idea of being one guy among many to fuck some random stranger who got off on being used like he was nothing more than a human receptacle for the basest of bodily needs left me feeling cold inside, it wasn’t like I had a ton of options.
Beggars couldn’t be choosers, after all.
As repulsive as it was, guys like that were only interested in my dick and didn’t care about my voice – or lack thereof – or my scarred body.
So, even if it was something I’d never dreamed of doing when I’d been younger, it was a disgustingly perfect fit.
But I couldn’t tell Nolan Grainger that.
I couldn’t tell him anything.
Silence filled the cabin for several minutes and I was sure Nolan had finally figured out that talking to me wasn’t necessary, or welcome, when he said, “How’s the baby raccoon?”
I shook my head in irritation.
“It didn’t make it?” Nolan said softly, his voice thick with some unnamed emotion.
I looked at him and ground my jaw. He’d clearly taken my response to how he’d asked the question as affirmation that the baby hadn’t made it. I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel for a minute and then reached down to turn the dial on the interior lights until the cabin lit up.
I tried to figure out how to clear up the confusion without having to pull over and type it out on my phone when I glanced at Nolan. My breath caught as I saw him discreetly wipe at his eyes. His eyes shifted briefly to me and he laughed, but there was no humor in it.
“Sorry,” he said. “I know it’s stupid,” he added. “I just…I needed a win, I guess.”
He turned his face away from me to stare out the window. I turned my attention back to the road.
I didn’t care.
What difference did it make if I cleared it up for him? It was more trouble than it was worth.
I was about to turn off the interior lights when I shot him one more look.
His elbow was resting against the door and he appeared to be toying with his mouth in some kind of self-soothing move. Guilt went through me and I left the lights on. I reached across the seat and brushed his hand with mine.
And regretted it almost instantly.
Electricity, raw and powerful, surged up my arm and shot straight to my dick.
Fuck.
And it wasn’t even the first time it had happened.
Nope, first time had been when I’d taken the baby raccoon from him a week ago. I’d passed the sensation off as a fluke, but sure as shit, it was very, very real.
Nolan let out a little breathy sound, but quickly masked it as he turned to look at me.
I struggled to ignore the tightness in my pants and focused on how to tell him what I wanted to say. I finally settled for holding my arm against my chest like I was cradling a human baby.
“The baby raccoon?” Nolan asked.
I nodded and then held my fingers together in the universal “OK” symbol.
“It’s okay?” he asked, his mouth tugging into a soft smile.
I nodded.
“It’s really okay?” he repeated, though it didn’t seem like he was expecting an answer. I gave it to him anyway and nodded, just because I liked seeing his distress fade away and his expression light up with pure joy.
He sat there for a moment and stared out the windshield before he turned to me and said, “Thank you.”
I wasn’t sure what he was thanking me for exactly, but I nodded anyway and tried to ignore the pleasurable sensation that flooded my belly.
A sensation that wasn’t about the current hard-on I was sporting.
For Nolan Grainger.
Cute, spindly little Nolan Grainger who’d always had his nose buried in a book at school. Quiet, weird, too-pretty Nolan Grainger who’d been the butt of cruel taunts, practical jokes, and ugly locker room talk that I’d never participated in, but that I’d never put a stop to, either.