Fortunately, Jules hadn't been seriously hurt, but some of his light had been taken away. It was hard to see my friend dressing down in quiet clothing and not putting his makeup on. He’d stayed in his room for several days in a row, only recently venturing out to explore the house and helping Uncle Curtis with things like cooking and baking. It was a new side of Jules for me, and while I was glad to have him around, I was surprised that he hadn’t gone home. But I also hadn't pressed him to tell me more than he was ready for. He and I had talked about what had happened between me and Xavier, minus some of the more intimate details of course, and Jules was beyond happy for me. But he'd also been worried about what effect needing to leave Xavier and the ranch behind would have on me when we returned to New York. It was something I worked very hard not to think about.
But between what had happened to Jules and the cruelty I was now witnessing firsthand, I knew it would never work. Even if there was some way I could figure out how to make it so I could stay in Eden, Xavier and I would end up just like Del and Uncle Curtis. We’d have to go to events like these and pretend we were nothing more than friends. Or we’d have to skip them altogether. The idea of loving Xavier but not being able to tell anyone sounded like the worst kind of torture.
I did love Xavier. I'd known that for a while now… It wasn't the same love I'd experienced as a child. It was a million times more powerful, but it was also harder and scarier. But in some ways it was easy too. I didn't have to work to love Xavier, I just did.
But the people who were eyeing us now as we went from exhibit to exhibit wouldn't care that I loved the man next to me. They wouldn't care if I was lucky enough that he loved me back, either.
"Xavier," I said quietly when we were near a ride that Sara was on with a boy from her class. When Xavier looked at me, I said, "I'll call Uncle Curtis to come get me. I'll see you back at the ranch, okay?"
I wanted him to tell me to stay. But when he said, "Are you sure?" I felt my heart break in two. I told myself I was being unreasonable, especially after I'd made the suggestion and because it was the right thing to do, but it still hurt.
I nodded and almost reached out for him to touch his hand when I remembered I wasn't allowed to do that. "I'll see you at home," I said. I gave Sara a quick wave when the ride went past us, then I turned my back on Xavier and began walking toward the parking lot. A small part of me hoped I'd hear him calling my name, or feel him grabbing for my arm, but he didn't. Whispers followed me all the way to the parking lot and I could see a couple people trying to work up the nerve to come talk to me, but I ignored them. I knew if they said anything bad about Xavier to me, I’d probably resort to violence.
Once I reached the parking lot, I pulled my phone out, but before I could dial, I heard someone say my name. I turned and saw an older man approaching me. There was something vaguely familiar about him, but I couldn't place him.
The man smiled and held out his hand to me. "Brooks Cunningham," he said with a genuine smile. "You look just like your father."
"I'm sorry, do we know each other?" I asked as I shook my head in apology because I still didn't recognize him.
The man laughed and said, "I'm William Mattis. My wife and I used to have dinner at your folks’ house every now and then."
I nodded as those memories came back to me. "I remember now. You were one of my father's lawyers."
"That's right," the man said. He looked around the parking lot and then at the phone in my hand. "Did you need a ride somewhere?"
"Oh no, that's all right. I was just going to call my uncle. I'm staying at his house."
"Oh, well, I'll give you a ride." I began to shake my head, but William added, "I won’t even bill your father." The man laughed heartily. I could still feel eyes on me and since it would take Uncle Curtis at least twenty minutes to get there, the chances that I'd manage to avoid the people wanting to know the gossip behind what I’d been doing with Xavier Price were slim to none.