My voice was thick as I whispered, "Nothing. Rough day."
"Give me his name, honey, and I'll send the gay mafia after him. That's a real thing, by the way. I saw something about it on TV."
I laughed slightly and said, "I have no doubt." To Jules, there was something gay in just about everything in life. He was the kind of guy who often joked about pursuing the most unavailable straight men because he was convinced they all had a little bit of gay in them somewhere. Fortunately, most men found him humorous, but I was always a little worried that his over-the-top behavior would get him into trouble someday.
"Brooks," Jules murmured, his voice going serious. "Talk to me, sweetie."
I shook my head as tears threatened to fall. "I heard something today… something about Dad." I didn't know what else to say. I was afraid that if I said it out loud, it would be like punching a hole into a dam. I was so confused about everything already, especially when it came to Xavier, that I wasn't sure I could emotionally handle any more truths. "I shouldn't have come here, Jules," I confessed. "Everything's so messed up."
"What about your uncle? Is he okay?"
Jules's question caused the tears I’d been trying to hold back to fall. I shook my head again, even though he couldn't see me. "I messed up with him so bad." I thought of Uncle Curtis and Del and the life they’d had to live together in secret. I had to live with the shame of knowing I'd been a participant in that secret. If I'd only looked, if I’d only asked the right questions, they could have at least been together like they wanted to all those times they’d been with me.
"Oh, honey," Jules said gently. "Go to the airport. I'll have a ticket waiting for you. Just come home."
"No, I can't. I just need to make sure he's okay. I've… I've made some progress on his finances. A week, maybe two at the most and I'll have the answers I need."
"And then you come home," Jules said, his voice firm.
The idea of leaving Eden, leaving my uncle, and yes, even of leaving Xavier, made me sick to my stomach and I had to pull the car over to the side of the road because my head was spinning.
What was happening to me?
How had I gone from being so capable of adapting to any situation to not knowing what the hell was going on anymore?
An hour ago, I would've given Xavier anything he’d wanted. I’d told him the most shameful things about my desires. And I was getting too comfortable with Uncle Curtis. I looked forward to our chats over breakfast and it seemed like he enjoyed having me around. It was nice to be taken care of, to be wanted. And when I droned on about math or something related to his accounts, he actually seemed to listen rather than tune me out. There was no pressure to bring in new business or to hide the way I spoke and the words I said. I didn't have to work to keep my emotions in check. I didn't have to obsess over saying or doing the wrong thing.
Because with Uncle Curtis, there was no such thing.
"Yeah, then I'll come home," I responded. That was the plan. It had always been the plan. I needed to remember that.
I forced myself to change the subject and asked about what was happening at work. I hadn't been as in tune with my emails as I should've been and I'd still been managing to avoid talking to my father, but that was mostly because he’d been busy with the new client he was trying to land.
"He's got this place in an uproar," Jules said dryly. "People are running around here like chickens with their heads cut off. He's threatening to fire anyone on the spot who fucks up this deal."
In the past, I wouldn't have taken the words to heart. But I realized it was probably true. If he didn’t get his way, he could very well fire anybody and everybody. I'd never paid much attention to things like that in the office because I’d been too busy trying to impress the man with my own work. Besides Jules, I didn't really know any of the other people who worked for my father. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that they never lasted long. I'd meet a new face one day, and within a matter of weeks, that person would be gone. I'd never asked why or when or where. But after what Ronny had said, I was starting to wonder if it was like Jules said. Anyone who crossed my father or messed up anything related to the business was thrown out on their ass. No second chances.