After a quick stop in the bathroom to use the facilities and fix my hair, I went into the kitchen and got the coffee pot going. Eden joined me a minute later. As he came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me, I said, “I was going to bring you coffee in bed before heading back to my cabin.”
He nuzzled my neck. “Thanks, but you should get back to Casey. You mentioned wanting to have breakfast with him.”
“I hate that we all can’t just hang out together.”
“Give him time. This is all really uncomfortable for him, but hopefully he’ll come around soon.”
I returned to the bedroom, pocketed my phone, and put on my hiking boots. Then I drew Eden into my arms and kissed him before saying, “I’ll check in soon.”
This time, I left by the front door, but I still circled around and returned to my bedroom window. It was closed, and there was a note in Casey’s handwriting stuck to the inside of it, which read: Just come in through the door like a normal person.
Busted.
When I stepped through the door, I found my barely awake brother sipping coffee on the couch. He had a strained relationship with his thick, unruly hair, and it was currently sticking up like he’d spent the morning in a wind tunnel.
I flashed him a smile and said, “Good morning.” Then I went straight into the kitchen to start breakfast.
“You don’t need to sneak out the window, Seth. You’re not fifteen anymore.”
“How’d you find out?”
“I knocked on your door to ask if I could borrow some toothpaste. There was no answer and a cold breeze was coming from underneath it, so I let myself in to see what was up. That was when I realized you’d gone out the window, like a prisoner staging a jail break.” He shot me a look and added, “You really don’t need to be that dramatic, Seth. If you want to spend time with your boyfriend, just go do that.”
I put a pan on the stove and nodded. “You’re right, that was silly. I guess I was trying to avoid rubbing your nose in my relationship. It’s tough to know how to handle any of this.”
“I should just go back to San Francisco and give you two some privacy. There’s really no reason for me to hang out here and make things awkward for all of us. If you drive me to Salt Lake City after breakfast, I’ll catch a bus and get out of your hair.”
I joined him on the couch and said, “Please don’t go, Casey. All three of us need to get used to the way things have changed, and avoiding each other isn’t going to help the situation any.”
A tear tumbled down his cheek, and he muttered, “Fuck,” as he quickly got up and turned his back to me. I knew my brother cried sometimes, because I used to hear him through the bedroom wall when I was a kid. But he’d never cried in front of me, not once, and it broke my heart.
I got up too and grabbed him in a hug. He kept his arms at his sides and mumbled, “Stop it, Seth. This is embarrassing enough without you making a big deal out of it.”
“Nope. I’m not letting go until you hug me back and talk to me.”
He muttered, “You stubborn asshole.” But a moment later, he crushed me in a bear hug.
It took him a few moments, but finally he admitted, “I’m so afraid of losing the two most important people in my life. You and Eden are my best friends, my family—you’re everything to me, and now that you’re together I feel like I’m going to end up all alone.”
When I finally let go of him, he turned from me and wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. “You won’t,” I told him. “I swear to you, Casey, we’ll always be there for you. Nothing will ever change that.”
“I hate myself right now,” he muttered, as he picked up his coffee cup and went to refill it. “I’m acting like a big baby, but I need to man up and—”
I followed him to the kitchen and cut him off. “No. That’s our dad talking, and it’s bullshit. You’re hurt, and you’re allowed to feel sad. You’re allowed to feel whatever you want! I know it’s hard to let go of the messages we grew up with, but please, Casey, don’t go there.”
When he met my gaze, the tears were gone and all his emotions were neatly tucked away again. It made my heart ache, as much as seeing him cry. “You’re right. Forget I said that. In fact, just forget the last few minutes,” he said. “I’m making this all about me, and it’s really not. You’re starting out in your first real relationship, and I know what Eden means to you. If I have a problem with it, then that’s just something I need to deal with.”