A frown line appeared between his brows. “Maybe not, but I wish it had been better than that for you.”
I shrugged. “We figured out how to make it better over time.”
“So, it wasn’t just a one-time thing?”
“No, we hooked up for a couple of years. But after I came out during my senior year, he didn’t want anything to do with me. He was afraid people would think he was gay if he was seen talking to me.”
“What an asshole,” he muttered. “I’m sorry your first boyfriend treated you like that.”
“Oh, he wasn’t my boyfriend. We were just two horny guys blowing off some steam, nothing more.”
“Even after two years?” I nodded, and the frown line returned. He wasn’t being judgmental, he was just really struggling to understand this. I could see why it was hard for him, as someone who needed an emotional connection to have sex.
“Any other questions?”
“Do you prefer to top or bottom?”
“Bottom. I can top if I have to, but I’d much rather be the one getting fucked.”
“That’s good.” He broke eye contact and mumbled, “Whenever I thought about us…I mean, over these past few months, when I realized I was attracted to you, I always imagined myself…in you.” That had been a lot for him to admit, which told me part of him still felt guilty about what we were doing.
“That’s exactly what I want too, Eden, whenever you’re ready. No hurry. While we’re on the subject, you should know that for the last five years, I used a condom every single time I had sex. I also got tested religiously. My last test was actually just this past Thursday, and like all the others, the results were negative.”
He repeated, “The last five years?”
“I took risks occasionally when I was younger, but around the time I turned twenty, I started realizing it was up to me to take care of myself. That’s when I started making a point of using condoms. Fortunately, my earlier recklessness didn’t have any long-term repercussions.”
Eden ran his hand down my arm and said, “I don’t think I’ve been giving you enough credit.”
“What do you mean?”
“You were wild when you were younger. I remember right after you graduated from high school, you’d go out partying all the time, and you got fired from three or four jobs in a row. When I first found out you were a sex worker I assumed you were acting out, the way you used to. But it really wasn’t that at all. You’ve come a long way in the last few years, and I don’t think I fully realized it until now.”
“It means a lot to me to hear you say that.” Actually, it meant everything. We’d never have a future together unless he thought of me as an equal, and definitely not as the lost, wild nineteen-year-old he was talking about.
I leaned in and kissed him, and he deepened the kiss. But after a few moments, he sat up and said, “I have a confession to make.”
I sat up too and said, “Okay, let’s hear it.”
He hesitated before admitting, “I visited your website.”
“When?”
“Right after I recognized you in that packet.” He reached out and touched the dragon tattooed on my ribs. “I left the station and parked down the block, and then I pulled up your URL on my phone.”
“Why did you do that?”
“Before I confronted you, I wanted to be clear about what you’d been doing. But then I started getting turned on by your photos. It was really confusing too, since I’d never had that kind of reaction to a picture before.”
“Really? Never?” When he nodded, I asked, “Does porn do anything for you?”
“Not at all. I’ve never understood why so many people get off on it.”
“I think this goes back to what I said before about you being demisexual. If I understand it correctly, someone who’s demi wouldn’t get turned on unless they had an emotional connection to the people on-screen,” I said. “You already had a crush on me when you saw my photos, and we definitely have an emotional connection. No wonder they turned you on.”
“That makes sense. But the reason I’m telling you this is because I shouldn’t have visited that page, and I want to apologize for violating your privacy.”
I just shrugged. “It was a public website, and you didn’t do anything wrong.”
He seemed surprised. “I thought you’d be mad.”
“Nah. I actually think it’s hot that my photos turned you on.”
“Wow. I really didn’t expect that reaction.”
He kissed me, and then I grinned at him and asked, “So, which photo did you like best?”
He grinned too. “The one that showed off your perfect ass.”
“That doesn’t really narrow it down.”
“Okay, if I had to pick one, it’d probably be this.”
He got on his hands and knees and struck an exaggerated pose, with his back arched and his butt sticking out. I started laughing and gave him a push, and when he fell over I climbed on top of him.