I said the first thing that came to mind. “Home to St. Louis.”
“Seriously?”
“I can’t be here anymore,” I muttered. “I can’t keep doing this.”
I couldn’t tell him what I really meant by that. Not now. This wasn’t the time to admit I’d been trying to make enough money to move out, because living in such close proximity to him and knowing he’d never be mine was excruciating.
And the more I thought about it, the more going home actually started to seem like a good idea. I’d moved here for Eden, and all that would ever get me was heartbreak. Maybe putting some distance between us would give me a chance to start getting over him.
“Are you going to move back in with your parents?”
“Hell no, I’m not a masochist. I’ll stay with one of my friends until I find a place of my own.” An apartment in the working class part of St. Louis where I grew up would cost a fraction of what it would in this insanely overpriced housing market.
After a pause, he said, “If you still feel this way tomorrow, then I’ll drive you back home to St. Louis.”
“Why would you do that?”
“You have way too much stuff to fly back. Plus, you let your Missouri license expire and never got one in California, so you can’t rent a truck and drive yourself.”
I asked, “That’s why you want to drive me, so I have a way of getting all my shit home?”
“No. It’s because I care about you, and I want to make sure you get there safely.”
I almost told him not to bother, but then I realized a road trip would probably do us good. If we left things the way they were now, our friendship wouldn’t recover. Even if he’d never be mine, I couldn’t stand the thought of losing him as a friend, so I said, “Fine. I’ll be ready to leave first thing in the morning.”
“Are you sure you want to go that soon?”
“This can’t wait.”
How could I possibly stay here longer than that? He and Casey were both going to judge me so hard for the choices I’d made, and things were going to become painfully awkward between us.
Plus, if I dragged this out, I’d probably change my mind and decide to stay in San Francisco for Eden. How many more years was I going to spend pining for a man I could never have? Right now, I had the momentum I needed to put some literal and figurative distance between us.
“Okay. I’ll put in for a leave of absence when I get back to work,” he said. “I’ll tell them it’s a family emergency. That doesn’t feel like a lie.”
I climbed out of the car, then watched as he drove away. Once he rounded the corner, I went and sat on the front steps.
My plan was to sit there by myself for a while and figure out what I wanted to say to my brother. But after a minute the door opened, and I glanced over my shoulder at Casey. Damn it, I wasn’t ready for this conversation.
He sat beside me and said, “It already seemed odd when I saw Eden dropping you off in his police cruiser. But he just sent me a text that said, ‘Seth needs to talk to you. Please just listen and don’t yell at him.’ Why would I yell at you?”
I stared at the dark windows of the house across the street for a long moment. There was no way to dress this up or soften the blow, so finally, I said, “Your best friend the cop made a discovery today. He found out I’ve been working as a prostitute, so he barged in on me during a dinner date with a client and brought me home.”
“What?”
I took a breath and turned to look my big brother in the eye. “I’ve been a sex worker for the last six months, Casey.”
He grinned and said, “Bullshit. Obviously, you and Eden are playing some kind of elaborate prank on me. It’s an odd one, but okay, let’s see where you’re going with it.”
“It’s not a prank. It started when I went to a club and some guy offered me two hundred bucks to have sex with him. I said yes, since I would have let him fuck me anyway. What difference did it make if money changed hands?”
Casey’s grin faded. He’d gone very still and was just staring at me. I pressed ahead with, “Anyway, I started going back to that club and meeting guys every weekend. Turns out it’s a well-known spot for picking up sex workers. After a while though, I decided it would be better and safer to find clients through my own website. That gave me more control. I could chat with them first and decide if I wanted to meet up.”