Micah’s fingers found their way back to my head, but he didn't try to control the pace. This time, as I drove him closer and closer to the edge, I could tell he was with me one hundred percent. He was needy and desperate, but not frantic. He was no longer afraid of what was happening to him. He was putting his hand in mine and following me with absolute trust.
Micah’s dick swelled in my mouth so I began sucking him even harder. I loved seeing the expressions on his face as he watched us make love.
And that was exactly what I considered it.
Making love.
It didn’t matter that it was just oral sex because I knew that anything he and I did together would be like this… it would be about showing one another what was in our hearts.
I knew it in my gut.
In my heart.
In my soul.
With that realization, I accepted that I’d lost what remained of my heart to him, then sent him over the edge. As soon as he came apart, Micah closed his eyes and lost himself to his release. I watched for as long as I could even as I tried to swallow every ounce of cum he fed me, but as the bliss stole over his expression, my own body’s demands won out and I reached down to give my pained dick the few strokes it needed. I pulled off Micah's dick as I gave in to the orgasm. The pleasure was all-consuming and I was sure it would be the death of me.
The orgasm seemed to go on forever, and I was vaguely aware of Micah's eyes on me, but the release was just too intense and like Micah, I ended up closing my eyes as jet after jet shot from my dick and spilled onto the sheets beneath me. When it was over, I dropped my head onto Micah’s upper thigh and tried to catch my breath. I couldn't say how long it took me to come back to full awareness, but when I did, I could feel his fingers caressing my hair. I would've loved to just lay there like that for a while, but his silence was starting to make me nervous. At the same time though, I was afraid to look at him. If I saw the same regret I’d seen after our first sexual encounter—
“Con…”
My stomach lurched. I couldn't tell from the way he said my name if this was the end or not but I had no choice but to deal with it, so I lifted my head enough that I could look at him.
For once, my ability to read Micah's expression just wasn't there. This time, it was my head that had the wall in it. I had no control, no power, no knowledge of what would happen next.
I hated it, but I also knew that it was part of being with Micah. I'd been able to fake my way through all the emotional shit that happened after sex with other guys because none of them had mattered. But everything mattered with Micah and if I wanted to be with him, I had to let him see the real me. He had to see that when I couldn't fix things, it hurt. It just fucking hurt. I had to let him see when I was afraid and unsure. He had to know that he now had the power to hurt me in ways that few others could.
I waited for Micah to say that the whole thing had been a mistake and that he was sorry because he'd been wrong about not being able to put the past behind us. I waited to see that guilt in his eyes as he once again allowed himself to believe he’d betrayed his brother. But to my surprise, he didn't speak at all. Instead, his arm, the one that wasn't casted, reached down so he could wrap his fingers around my upper bicep. Even though he gave me a little tug, it took my rattled brain a moment to figure out what he wanted. When I did, the wave of relief that washed through me was so strong that it left me breathless. I climbed up Micah's body and lowered most of my weight onto him. His arms went around my neck and then he was hugging me hard.
I closed my eyes because I knew in that moment that we were good.
Beyond good.
“Thank you,” Micah whispered into my ear. The way he said it, I knew he was talking about more than just the intense release he’d experienced. I wanted to believe that he was thanking me for the same thing I needed to thank him for.
But how was I supposed to put that into words?
How did you tell someone that they’d just made you whole again?