We lay there in silence for a long time. It was a peaceful silence. There was no need to speak but I found myself wanting to. Not to avoid the silence but to find out more about the man beneath me. I could tell Con was still awake because his hand was holding mine where it was pressed against his muscled chest and his thumb was rubbing gentle circles into my skin.
“Will you tell me about your brothers?” I asked.
“What do you want to know?”
“Anything.” I hesitated and added, “Everything.”
Con was silent for a moment before saying, “There’s Vaughn. He’s the oldest. He’s engaged to a lovely young man named Aleks, and Luca, Vaughn’s half-brother, is engaged to Aleks’s best friend, Remy.”
“Wait, both your brothers are gay?” I asked.
“All my brothers are gay,” Con corrected.
I couldn’t help but straighten a bit so I could look him in the eye. “Really?”
Con’s free hand came up to stroke my cheek. “Really. Lex is engaged to a guy named Gideon.”
“Wow,” I murmured.
“You think it’s strange?”
“What? No!” I responded. I grabbed his chin to make sure he was looking at me when I added, “I think it’s amazing.”
Con’s eyes softened. He continued with the whole thumb rubbing my fingers thing that was causing my lower half to respond inappropriately. I shifted my hips as subtly as I could so he wouldn’t notice.
“You do?” he asked.
I nodded and lowered my head back down to Con’s chest. I could feel his heart beating steady and strong against my ear. “I was so freaked when I realized I was gay. I didn’t know if it was real or just something I was mixed up about because of what Barry and those other guys had done to me.” Realizing I’d inadvertently led us down a path I didn’t want to deal with, I quickly added, “I would have loved to have someone to talk to about it.”
Con’s free hand began stroking my hair. His touch was mesmerizing.
“With Vaughn and Luca, it was pure coincidence. Actually, Luca had a kid so we just figured he was straight. King and I kind of figured it out about each other when we met as kids and it wasn’t something that was even an issue when we met Lex. But I think it definitely strengthened our bond. There was already this us-against-the-world thing happening but having them at my back when my sexuality became an issue definitely made it easier.”
“You’re the only MMA fighter who’s openly out, right?”
“Yeah,” Con said. “It wasn’t even something I had to think about. I already had enough shit I needed to keep close to the vest, and who I fucked most definitely didn’t warrant the energy it would take to keep it a secret. My agent and manager were sure it would tank my career, but it didn’t. Yeah, I lost some fans, got plenty of death threats and hate mail, but I got a hell of a lot more letters from kids thanking me for not being afraid to admit who I was. Guys I fought stepped into the ring thinking they were going to show the world what a sissy boy I was, so they usually underestimated me or thought their trash talk would actually have some kind of effect on me. It didn’t.”
“I was one of those kids,” I admitted.
Con’s fingers on mine paused, then he was tipping my chin up so I was forced to look at him.
“You were?” he asked with a soft smile.
I nodded even as I felt my cheeks heat. “I’d watch your fights on the internet. At first it was at the library at school during free time but let’s just say that became… inconvenient.”
Con’s eyes were bright with mirth as he said, “How so?”
I chuckled and slapped his shoulder. “Shut up. You know how.” I flopped down on his chest again and had to hold back a sigh as his fingers resumed caressing me. “You made me feel less ashamed of it, you know? I mean, I wasn’t thrilled that it was you that was proof of it, but watching you walk down red carpets and stuff with whatever guy was lucky to be on your arm that night made me think…”
“What?” Con quietly asked when I hesitated.
“I thought maybe that could be me someday.” I heard my own words and quickly amended, “I mean, not on your arm because I knew that wasn’t even possible because a guy like you would never… you know… with a guy like me. But I thought maybe someday there would be a guy who wanted me like that. Who wanted to hold my hand and show me off and looked at me like I was the only person who mattered to him…”
I shook my head and laughed. “Sorry, I’m not saying this right. Forget I said anything. So, about your brothers—”