"Just breathe," I reminded the man before me. I felt like a jackass for how selfish I'd been. I'd been worried about how awkward things were for me afterwards, but I could only begin to imagine what Gideon was going through. When I'd had sex for the first time, or even been kissed for the first time, I'd at least known I was gay. From everything Gideon had said, his newfound sexuality had been completely unexpected. I wasn't sure how long he’d had to process his attraction to another guy, but he’d gone from kissing one to an intense sexual encounter within a matter of minutes, so he had to be feeling anxious about that.
"Sorry," Gideon breathed. I liked that he didn't try to move away from me. In fact, it seemed like he'd stepped into me, making it easier for me to caress his face.
"Don't be sorry," I offered and then I did something that felt like the most natural thing in the world. I pulled his face down and brushed my lips over his temple. It was my way of telling him that no matter what happened, he would be okay. We would both be okay.
"Just talk to me, Gideon."
Gideon let out a harsh breath. "I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."
"It's understandable," I said. "If this is your first time with another guy—"
"That's not what I mean. But yeah, it is." I was surprised when Gideon's fingers came up and sifted through my hair. "God, it is as soft as I imagined."
I smiled and said, "You imagined touching my hair?"
Since my hands were on Gideon's cheeks, I could feel when they moved. So I knew he was smiling when he said, "From the very first day."
"So even though I was a rude asshole, you still wanted to touch my hair?" I asked.
"You weren’t rude—" he began, but I cut him off by drawing him down and brushing my mouth over his.
"Yes, I was," I said firmly. "Now tell me why you don't think you know what you're doing."
He let out another sigh and then his hands trailed down my sides until they were resting on my waist. "Lex, we just… we just…"
"Yeah," I said with small smile. "We did just…"
Gideon chuckled and I felt it in my bones. "In my kitchen," Gideon continued. "I'm not exactly sure what the protocol is for after something like that happens."
"Me neither," I admitted. "Maybe there doesn't need to be a protocol. Maybe we just do and say what feels right."
Gideon nodded, which I knew because I still had my hands on his cheeks. Then suddenly, his mouth was on mine in a sweet, searing kiss that had my toes curling. When he broke the kiss, I felt completely off balance. I was glad Gideon was holding on to me or I surely would've fallen over. The man really did know how to kiss.
"That's what I should've done five minutes ago," Gideon murmured and then he kissed me softly again. A mere brush of lips over lips, but it was just as moving. "It was incredible, Lex."
"It was," I agreed.
There was a little bit of awkward tension between us, but it wasn't anything like what had happened after we'd had our encounter. Gideon ran his hands up and down my arms before saying, "Go sit while I get dinner going. Do you want something to drink?"
"Water would be great," I said. I liked that Gideon didn't guide me to the kitchen table. I felt a little awkward fumbling to find it myself, but it was yet another one of those small victories when I actually managed it.
Gideon set the water down on the table in front of me. As I was reaching for it, I felt his fingers trail along the back of my neck for just a second or two. The contact was brief, but it weighed heavily on me. Moments like these were exactly what I'd been looking for my entire life.
I wanted the domestic scenes.
I wanted to wake up next to the same man every morning for the rest of my days.
I wanted those seemingly insignificant moments where we’d just be sitting and reading or watching TV or whatever and holding hands or be connected in some other way. I'd started to believe it was a pipe dream, but Gideon was making it seem more and more like a possibility.
I tried to warn myself not to let my thoughts drift like this because it would only come back to bite me in the ass, but admittedly, it was difficult not to start dreaming of a happily ever after with Gideon.
Gideon didn't really say anything as he cooked, but that was okay because I used the time to practice listening to my surroundings. He didn't make a lot of noise when he cooked, so I figured that made him efficient. I wanted to ask him how long he’d been cooking for himself but figured that was part of a personal zone that we hadn't quite reached yet. Despite our earlier intimacy, I knew we weren't at a place where we could all of a sudden just tell each other anything and everything. I certainly wasn't about to tell him what my brothers and I did when we weren’t doing our respective jobs. I couldn't imagine ever telling him any of that. And there was shit from my childhood I most certainly wouldn’t ever tell him…