When I heard his footsteps, I tried to track them, but it wasn’t really necessary because he ended up at my back again. He didn't touch me with his hands at first, though I could feel his broad chest lined up against my back. I wanted so badly to lean into him. But I held still because I wasn't sure what he wanted me to do and I didn't want to fuck the moment up.
My heart was racing in my chest as a rush of soft air flitted over the skin along my neck. It took me a moment to realize it was Gideon's nose that I was feeling against the shell of my ear. It seemed like he was trying to breathe me in or something. He held there for a moment before letting his mouth trail down the side of my neck. I felt like I was going to explode with the need for him to touch me or to at least let me touch him. I fisted my hands so I wouldn't be tempted to reach for him and ruin the moment. Gideon's exploration of my neck continued, though his lips only ghosted over my skin at random intervals. I could feel his groin against my backside, but there wasn't enough pressure to know if he was hard or not.
I most certainly was.
Gideon chose that moment to nuzzle my neck more firmly, and that had me tipping my head to the side to give him as much access as he needed. His lips were soft as they pressed the occasional kiss into my skin. I was getting lightheaded from holding my breath, so I finally forced myself to let out the exhale I'd been holding in. The move helped me relax somewhat, but when Gideon closed his hands over my fisted ones, the contact had me freezing up all over again.
"Lex," Gideon breathed as his fingers toyed with mine. When I realized what he wanted, I opened my hands and he instantly linked our fingers together. He lifted our joined hands, crossing our arms in the process and then pressing them against my chest. The result was that I felt enveloped by heat and strength. Gideon's mouth had found the sensitive spot between my neck and my shoulder. He kissed me there once, then twice. Then his tongue licked over the spot and I was sure I would come in my pants.
"Gideon," I said in a harsh whisper. As much as I didn't want to ruin the moment, I also didn't want to humiliate myself. I'd had sex before, but I certainly wasn't experienced. If my previous lovers, especially Grady, were to be believed, I wasn't particularly good at it either.
"I'm sorry, Lex. Do you want me to stop?" Gideon asked. I knew I should say yes. I knew we needed to talk. I knew it would be better for me if we could take things slow. I knew a lot of things. But there was only one thing I knew with one hundred percent certainty.
"Don't stop, Gideon. Please, don't stop."
Chapter Fourteen
Gideon
I really had brought him back to my place for the sole purpose of talking about what had happened… about the kiss that had changed everything.
But seeing him standing in my kitchen, his back to me and his trust in me absolute, I'd known that there were no words to explain what had happened. How was I supposed to tell him that I’d felt more alive in those few moments with him than I had in a lifetime? How was I supposed to explain something I didn't even understand myself? And how in the hell was I supposed to keep my hands to myself now that I'd finally learned what he felt like?
I was greedy.
I wanted more.
I wanted it all.
As eager as I was to know every inch of Lex's body, I wasn't foolish enough to think I could just claim him and be done with it. First off, I didn't have enough experience to even know where to start. And second, I was absolutely terrified that I'd freak out in the middle of it all and not only embarrass myself but devastate Lex. I remembered what his asshole of an ex had said to him about being glad he no longer had to pretend to enjoy touching Lex. Personally, I thought the guy had to be absolutely insane to not find pleasure in Lex's beautiful body, but that was beside the point. Grady's words had left scars on Lex, just as his actions had. There was no way in hell I would risk doing the same thing, even if my intentions were good.
But that didn't mean I could just turn off what I was feeling. And what I was feeling at the moment was the need to be closer to Lex. The texture of his skin was intoxicating. It was soft in some spots, but rough in others. He had a little bit of a five-o'clock shadow going on, so there were spots on his neck that should've felt wrong against my lips.