I wanted to ask how Violet was, how he was, but I didn't have that right. I tried to tell myself that I didn't care, but there was no way I could sell myself on that particular bullshit. Not to mention the fact that I’d spent the last week obsessing over that very thing. There’d been so many times I’d wanted to go back. That had been proof enough that I'd been in Luca’s company too long, that I'd gotten too comfortable.
Luca kept coming until he was practically pressed up against me. There was enough light now to see his face, though I kind of wished there wasn't. So much for the days when his expression had been unreadable. There was no mistaking his anger this time. I thought back to the first night when he'd shown up in my apartment and I’d been strong enough to play mind games with him. But I'd had my hatred to hang on to then. The things I’d started to feel for him since then had absolutely nothing to do with hatred.
I waited for the barrage of questions, the anger, the disappointment. Since I just wanted it over with, the longer he remained silent, the more agitated I became. I absolutely would not humiliate myself further in front of this man by having to seek out another cold shower… one in a long line of many over the past week as I fought the urge to lose myself in an artificial high.
"What?" I finally snapped when he didn't say anything. I had my eyes straight ahead, which meant I was looking at the column of his throat. There was enough light filtering in from outside to see a small amount of dark chest hair against the whiteness of his dress shirt. The need to reach out and touch him made my fingers shake even more badly than they already were.
Luca didn't respond to my outburst. I wasn't really surprised by that. The man was much better at masking his emotions than I was. "What do you want?" I asked again, but this time my voice shook so badly I could hear it myself. I just wanted him to go. I wanted him to say whatever he was going to say and then leave me be.
I could feel wisps of his breath fluttering over my temple. Heat came off his body in waves and I imagined what it would be like to lean into him and absorb it for myself.
"I want to know if you're all right," he said.
I would've laughed if I weren't so close to tears. "I didn't use," I bit out. "I wanted to… I always want to, but I didn't." I berated myself for having said too much. That was what got me into trouble with this man. All the things I should've told him were on the tip of my tongue… like how I was an adult and he had no say in what I did or where I went, or how Violet was in better hands now and we both knew that, or that I had a life I needed to get back to.
That last part was definitely a lie, but he didn't need to know that. I needed to sever all ties with him. Knowing him, he'd want to offer me something, probably money, to help me. But the last thing I wanted was for him to continue to feel guilty about what had happened between us when I’d been a kid. And I certainly didn’t want to be anyone’s charity case.
I expected Luca to step back, or maybe even to say something along the lines of he was glad I hadn’t used drugs, assuming he even believed me, but when his fingers dipped beneath my chin and lifted my head so I was forced to look at him, I didn't know what to say or do.
"I want to know you’re all right," he said, his voice taking on a raspy quality. "You, Remy. I'm not asking about drugs or anything else you might have done after you left, because those things aren't you, they aren’t who you are. I’ve been going out of my mind with worry that you were lying hurt somewhere needing me. I’ve barely eaten or slept or said a kind word to any one of my brothers because all I could fucking do was think about you and wonder what the hell I did or said to make you leave."
I opened my mouth in disbelief, but before I could say anything, Luca leaned down and captured my lips with his. Whereas all our other kisses had been relatively tame and exploratory, this one was the opposite. It was hungry and angry and desperate. I groaned under the onslaught of sensation that roared through me as his tongue licked over mine in greeting. I couldn't stop the little sounds that kept bubbling up from my throat as he kissed me over and over, stealing a little bit more from me each time. When I went to wrap my arms around his neck, he grabbed my wrists and pinned them to the door. But there was nothing rough or harsh in the way he was holding me. All I could do was hang on to him as he consumed me. My body went from hot to a full-on inferno in a matter of seconds and then I was kissing him back.