I expected him to do what all the other guys who'd kissed me had done—plunge his tongue roughly into my mouth. The few men who had paid for the boyfriend experience had always plied me with soft words of love and adoration before sex, but they'd always fucked me as mercilessly as the rest of my tricks. And I couldn't imagine any boyfriend wanting to hear the ugly words that had been said to me while I was being pounded into a mattress or against a wall.
So I had no clue why I was allowing any of this to happen. And worse, why I wanted it to happen.
My intent had been to offer Luca someone to talk to about the day's events, especially since he and his brother still weren’t on speaking terms. Aleks had provided me with enough information about Gio to understand why the young man had reacted so strongly to his father's presence. My heart was breaking for Luca because there was no doubt in my mind that all he wanted was his child back. I couldn't even imagine what it must've been like for him to search endlessly for his son only to find him alive but unwilling to acknowledge him and their relationship.
Luca had made it pretty clear from his silence that he’d just wanted to be left alone, but I'd been worried about what that would do to him. No, he wasn't a drug user like me, but I’d known his first instinct would be to try and escape or ignore the pain.
A week earlier I would've told him that he needed to just let things go, forget about the past… In fact, I had told him that when it came to what had happened between the two of us. But seeing how Luca behaved with others versus how he behaved when it was just him and me and Violet, at least in the days right after we’d found Violet, had been an eye-opener. With others, including his brother, he always had this mask on. He’d played all the roles he was supposed to with them.
Tough.
Cold.
Distant.
But those few instances when it had been just me and him and Violet doing something simple, like having breakfast or playing a game on the living room floor with Violet, had shown a side of the man that I was beginning to believe was who he really was. It was that man I'd suspected was trying to deal with the fallout from his encounter with his son earlier in the day.
I'd known when I’d entered the office that he wouldn't just tell me what had happened, and telling him I already knew from Aleks wouldn't have accomplished anything either, so I’d given him a piece of myself that no one else had. It had hurt like a son of a bitch and I couldn't say that I somehow felt better, but I'd gotten the words out and I was still there. It seemed like such a small victory, but that's what it was.
My heart had felt like it had been cleaved in two when Luca had whispered about how much he loved his son and just wanted him back. In that moment, I'd never wanted to give anyone anything more. I'd been at a loss for the right words to say to make him feel better, but then I’d realized that there was no feeling better. Just like there was no feeling better about my parents abandoning me to my fate not once, but twice. First when I’d been taken, and then again when I'd returned.
So in that moment, I'd let my heart take over from my brain and then my lips had been on his skin and he’d been gripping me tightly while his rough breaths had washed over my throat.
And now his mouth was on mine. It was nothing more than his lips briefly brushing my own, and I should've been grateful for that. But when he pulled back, I felt deprived, and I was the one who ended up following him so I stayed within the circle of his arms. I kissed him like he’d kissed me, but there was still no crashing of his mouth down on mine, no bruising of my lips, no tongue being thrust into my mouth, gagging me.
To the outside world it would've looked like the simplest of kisses, but I’d never felt anything more intense in my entire life. I was nearly as afraid of his gentle touch as I’d been of the cruelest men who’d used me when I’d been a kid.
Every time our mouths separated, the loss was overwhelming and I found myself seeking out another kiss. My brain kept screaming at me that the contact was enough, that it was too much, but I kept going back for more.