Then he saw that I wasn’t alone.
Neither Aleks nor Remy spoke when they saw each other. Not surprisingly, Aleks broke first. He moved past me and hurried across the room. I heard a choked sob leave his throat right before he reached Remy. Relief went through me when Remy opened his arms for Aleks. Remy enfolded Aleks into a tight embrace. While Aleks might have been the more vocal of the pair in terms of expressing his emotions, Remy wasn’t completely unaffected. He closed his eyes as he held on to Aleks and at some point during the exchange, it seemed like the roles reversed and Remy became the one who was being held. Remy’s eyes met mine over Aleks’s shoulder, but I couldn’t tell if he was pissed or not. I would have liked a few minutes to talk to him about what had happened earlier when he’d woken up in my arms, but even if I could have convinced my brother and Aleks to give us a few minutes, Violet clearly wouldn’t have been as receptive to letting Remy out of her sight because she began calling his name and holding out her arms when she realized we had visitors.
“Make me some breakfast, brother,” Vaughn said as he gave my shoulder a light punch. I knew it wasn’t the food he was interested in, but the privacy that came with me cooking. He’d be able to lay into me while well out of hearing distance from Aleks and Remy, who were both preoccupied with Violet. The little girl seemed wary of Aleks, but I doubted it would take her long to accept him. The way he was cooing at her and marveling over the cute little dress Remy had put her in was sure to earn him bonus points with the shy toddler.
I forced myself to turn away and go to the kitchen. I still had a view of the living room, but there was no way I could hear anything Remy and Aleks were saying.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Vaughn asked as he leaned against the counter and folded his arms.
How was I supposed to explain something to him that I didn’t understand myself? I’d told him what I’d done to Remy when he’d been a kid, but Vaughn hadn’t been there. Yes, he’d lived in that world for a long time as he’d searched for Gio, but he’d never put his hands on a kid… he’d never left one behind…
Even as I considered the thought, I knew it was bullshit.
He might not have left Aleks behind, but he’d been forced to allow things to happen to Aleks so he wouldn’t break his own cover. He’d “worked” for the man who’d held Aleks captive for years. He’d finally broken his cover when he’d had no choice, but how many times had he had to watch the young man he’d started to care for suffer at the hands of his abuser and been able to do nothing about it because Aleks’s captor was the only lead we’d had on Gio at the time?
“I couldn’t do it again,” I muttered.
“Do what?”
“Walk away,” I bit out as I took my frustrations out on a couple of tomatoes.
“So what’s the plan? You help him find the kid’s family, and then what?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted.
“Luca—”
“I don’t know, Vaughn,” I snapped. I realized my voice had carried when I looked up and saw Aleks, Remy, and even Violet looking at us. The trio slowly went back to whatever they were doing on the carpet in the living room. Vaughn watched me with pity.
I diced some scallions so I didn’t have to look at him. “I’ll make sure he’s okay before I leave. Is that what you want to hear?”
“It’s not him I’m worried about,” Vaughn murmured.
That got my attention. I stopped cutting and looked up.
“What are you talking about?”
“It won’t change what you feel, Luca. I don’t think you get that,” my brother said. There was no doubt about him pitying me now… it was clear as day in the way he sadly said my name.
“If you want to say something to me, brother, then just fucking say it,” I muttered. “I’m just righting a wrong, nothing more.” My internal bullshit meter was off the chart, but I wasn’t about to tell him that.
“Hey,” Vaughn said angrily as he straightened and stepped into my space. He kept his voice low. “You did the best you could with the circumstances you were given. If you’d gotten Remy out when he was a kid, you still would have had to live with the guilt of missing out on the chance to find Gio. You were in a lose-lose situation.”
Rage flowed through me, but only because Vaughn was saying everything I already knew to be true. I was seeking absolution but there was none to be had. Even if Remy somehow miraculously forgave me, I would never be able to rid myself of the guilt.