Though he was right in front of me, I might as well have been blindfolded because I couldn’t make out his features. And the more I fought, the more energy I expended, and within a minute, I was hyperventilating and on the verge of a full-blown panic attack.
And the tears.
The goddamn tears started to flow. I wanted to kill him for that alone.
For every fat drop of salty water that slid down my face, it seemed like my last shreds of energy left. I’d stopped clawing at Luca’s hands, but held one of them with both of mine. He lifted the other and pressed it against the side of my throat. I accepted the inevitable as his thumb pressed against my jugular.
He’d won.
Yes, I’d still fight him the second he tried to push me to my knees in front of him or turned me around so I was face-first against the door, but I knew in my heart it wouldn’t do any good. I couldn’t match his strength and help was too far away to be of any use to me.
I’d made a terrible mistake in believing I was somehow safe from this man… that he owed me for what he’d done to me as a kid. I’d actually believed he might harbor enough guilt that I could use to my advantage to keep him away from me.
But he was the monster that, deep down, I hadn’t wanted him to be.
I waited for him to make his next move and tried to plan how I’d react, but when he dropped his head to where my neck met my shoulder, I was completely unprepared. He still had his hand at my neck, but it wasn’t until that moment that I realized how gentle his touch actually was. No, I hadn’t been able to move him, but not once had his fingers pressed cruelly into my skin. And the fingers he currently had at my throat weren’t really holding on to me either. That thumb wasn’t applying pressure to my pulse point so much as it was… caressing it.
“Take a deep breath and call for him again,” Luca said softly. “If you want Ronan to kick my ass, then do it, okay? Call for him again.” Luca lifted his head. “I won’t try and stop him.”
Confusion swept through me. What was happening?
The hand at my throat disappeared. When it reappeared in my line of vision a moment later, I saw his gun. I swallowed the whimper that bubbled up in my throat. The game had completely changed now. Would he threaten to harm Violet? Was his plan to kill Ronan so he could take his time doing to me whatever the fuck it was that he wanted?
“I need to hear it all, Remy,” Luca whispered. His voice sounded harsh, overused. “Because I get it now.”
I shook my head because I was so fucking confused. My throat felt dry from the screams I hadn’t actually managed to make any louder than a whimper, and my eyes stung from the hot tears that still coasted down my face. Luca removed his other hand from my grasp, but the gun kept me from making even the slightest sound.
“I thought I knew… I thought my nightmares were close. I thought I’d imagined the worst and that seeing your face night after night, hearing you calling for me… that it somehow made up for what I did to you. I’ve tried to justify leaving you behind in so many fucking ways, but…”
His voice dropped off and he looked down between us. I could have used the moment to go for the gun or try screaming my head off again, but I was reeling from his words. It was a ruse… this whole thing was some fucked-up game he was playing to mess with my head, to get what he wanted.
But what the fuck was that? What did he want?
I was horrified to hear that very question slip from my mouth in a broken whisper.
“Tell me all of it,” was his response. His hand reached for mine and I was too dazed to resist. I felt the strength in his fingers as they brushed mine. God, did he want to hold my hand or something? Was he trying to lure me into some weird sense of security?
I gasped when the warmth of his fingers was replaced with the coolness of metal. I looked down to see Luca holding his gun against my palm. The barrel was pointed at the ground. His free hand came up to wrap around my hand and the weapon. His thick fingers maneuvered mine until I was the one holding the gun. My finger was resting lightly on the trigger. My body was shaking violently as I tried to make sense of what was happening.