“Um, security,” Elliot murmured.
I knew when my son was lying and he was most definitely being less than truthful. But I didn’t call him on it. Part of me didn’t really want to know. Since Cruz and Matias had some kind of connection to Declan Barretti, it was information I just wasn’t ready to hear. The whole thing with Declan being part of the reason Mac was gone but also having saved Elliot’s life was too much to process at once, and right now my focus had to be on my children.
I was about to change the topic to something safer like the weather when Elliot’s phone rang. He looked at his phone and smiled that same goofy smile that I would never tire of seeing on his face. “Hey,” he said softly when he answered the phone.
Elliot took a few steps away from me, presumably for some privacy, so I focused on cleaning up the dish in my hand. My eyes shifted to the shed in the backyard.
Specifically, to the broken window on the shed.
Matias had been out of town on business. If he hadn’t been, would he have tried to contact me? Did I even want him to?
“No,” I whispered to myself. The man had broken into my house, gone through my things, and then proceeded to make me question everything I’d ever known about myself with one kiss.
One soul-wrenching, heartbreakingly perfect kiss.
“Are you done with that one?” Elliot asked from behind me. I was so caught off guard, I dropped the plate in the sink. Fortunately, it didn’t break.
“Fuck,” I muttered. When the hell would I stop being so jumpy?
“Sorry,” Elliot said softly as he appeared at my side.
I shook my head. “No, it’s fine,” I responded. “Just tired.”
Elliot reached for the plate and rinsed it off. “Why don’t you go to bed and I’ll sit with Ryan in case he wakes up?”
I glanced at him. “No, no, go on home and wait for your man.”
“It’s not a problem,” Elliot said. “I’ll see him tomorrow.”
I sighed and took the plate from him, along with the towel he was using to dry it. “Go be with your man, son. I’m going to take a shower and go to bed myself. Ryan and I will be fine.”
“Dad,” Elliot began, but he fell silent as soon as I put my arms around him.
“Enjoy every moment you can with him, El,” I whispered. While I never wanted Elliot to obsess over the possibility of losing his soulmate like I’d lost mine, I also knew what it was like to wish you had just one more moment with them.
“Are you sure you’re all right?” Elliot asked, the worry clear in his voice.
I hated lying to my kid, but I slotted my response under the white lie category and said, “Yes.”
Elliot sighed and returned my hug with gusto, then pulled away and grabbed his keys off the counter. His excitement warmed my heart. “I’ll call you tomorrow,” he said. “But if you need me to come back tonight—”
“Go,” I said before flicking my towel at him. Elliot had his phone to his ear before he even got out of the kitchen.
“I’ll meet you at my place,” he murmured and then he was too far away to hear. It wasn’t until my son was out the door that the familiar, heavy weight of grief settled back on my shoulders. These were the moments I most often wished Mac could have lived to see.
It took only a few minutes to put away the remaining dinner dishes, after which I went to Ryan’s room to check on him. Unlike the past two nights, Ryan looked completely at peace as he slept. His favorite stuffed animal, a zebra I’d bought him at the airport in Bulgaria while we’d been waiting for our flight to board, was tucked in his folded arms.
The memory of the moment I’d met my son in the orphanage had me leaning against the doorframe. I’d never thought it possible to love another human being as much as I loved Elliot, but Ryan had proven me wrong the instant he’d looked at me from the too-small crib the home’s staff had cruelly kept the little boy in to limit his movement.
I moved into the room and leaned over Ryan so I could place a gentle kiss on his forehead. Fortunately, the move didn’t wake him up, so I quietly left his room and hurried to my own so I could sneak in a quick shower. Although I had a camera set up in his room so I’d be able to see or hear if he needed me, I knew I wouldn’t be able to hear it while I was showering, so I didn’t bother pulling the app up on my phone. Instead, I undressed in record time and flew through the act of showering. As I pulled on my PJs, I eyed my bathtub longingly.