Cock.
That was what the men had always called that part of themselves.
They’d made the word vile and ugly. I wondered if it would be the same with Vaughn if he told me he was going to stick his cock inside of me.
Did I want that?
No, definitely not.
Did he want that?
I wasn’t sure.
Would it change things if he did? I’d suffered through it before with other men because I’d had to. I’d had no choice. But if Vaughn gave me a choice? If it meant I could have moments like these where I felt normal and safe, and something as simple as touching the little hairs under his nose made me smile, would it be worth it? And what did it mean that my body was reacting? Did that change anything?
The confusing thoughts swirled around in my head as I let my eyes follow the line my finger drew along the seam of Vaughn’s mouth.
What would it feel like against mine?
I knew what a kiss was. I’d seen Mama and Papa do it… Dante and Magnus too. But it wasn’t something I’d ever done or even wanted to.
Had that somehow changed too?
Vaughn’s mouth moved almost imperceptibly beneath my finger and I immediately looked up. The second that I saw his eyes were open, I went to snatch my hand back.
“I’m sorry!” I cried.
Vaughn grabbed my wrist before I could draw my hand away from his face.
“It’s okay,” he quickly said. He didn’t move even a little, but his hold on me was firm. I could have gotten away if I’d wanted to, but I would have had to put some effort into it.
And something about the way he was looking at me had me forgetting I was supposed to be doing just that.
He held my wrist but didn’t try to force me to touch him.
I did that all on my own after about fifteen seconds of the two of us just staring at one another. I didn’t go for his lip right away, but my finger eventually found its way there anyway. And it was so much more intense with Vaughn staring at me like he was.
I couldn’t look away from him.
Between touching him and his eyes refusing to let me go, I was completely ensnared and I didn’t care.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly.
“For what?” he asked just as quietly, his mouth moving against my finger. I slid the pad down his chin.
“It was wrong to touch you while you were sleeping,” I said. Despite my apology, I couldn’t force myself to pull my hand away. He was still holding my wrist but wasn’t guiding my hand at all.
More like following it.
And his thumb was doing delicious things to the inside of my wrist.
My hand made its way to his throat and he let out a rush of air. “For future reference,” he said with a slight smile. “You can touch me anytime you want.”
His words surprised me.
“Why?” I blurted.
Vaughn’s eyes held mine for the longest time. “Don’t you know, Aleks?” he asked.
The intensity with the way he said my name made me shudder. “Because it feels good?” I asked dumbly, because I honestly didn’t have any other answer.
Something flashed in his gaze and then he smiled again. “It does,” he said. “But that’s not why.”
I managed not to pull back when his left hand came up to settle on the back of my neck. He used his thumb to tip my chin up just a bit so I was forced to look at him. I didn’t realize I’d dropped my eyes at some point.
The smile faded and he just stared at me for the longest time. I forgot what we were even talking about until he said, “Because I would give you anything, Aleks.” His fingers tightened on the back of my neck just the tiniest bit. “Anything,” he repeated, his voice growing thick.
Something inside of me went off like a bomb and my already tingling body grew hot and heavy. And then his mouth was moving toward mine. Fear and anticipation warred as I waited for him to kiss me.
But when his mouth bypassed mine and settled next to my ear, I felt a keen and completely unexpected pang of disappointment.
“Go to sleep, Aleks. I’m going to fix everything tomorrow, I promise.”
He turned my head just a tiny bit and then his lips settled on my pulse point, which had to be hammering since my heart was racing like nobody’s business. I gasped when his warm mouth pressed the gentlest of kisses against my skin.
“Aleks,” he breathed as he lifted his mouth to my ear. “Please… would you... would you call me James… just this one time?”
James.
His first name.
I’d never heard anyone call him that. What did it mean that he wanted me to? And why just this once?
I wanted to ask him those things but found myself pressing my forehead against his instead. “James,” I said in the barest of whispers.