The fact that I was in a strange place and had automatically reverted to the rules Father had instilled in me made me feel sick all over. And the fact that it was Vaughn who was witnessing it all just made me want to go and crawl into the nearest hole I could find.
Vaughn’s eyes skimmed over me and something warm flashed through me as I realized I was naked from the waist up.
I didn’t know why that mattered because he’d seen me completely naked more than once.
“Um, I thought you could use this,” Vaughn said as he remained in the open doorway and handed me something. I couldn’t force myself to move, though, which caused him to frown. Then he put the little bundle on the counter. “When you’re finished in here, we need to get moving again.”
I managed a nod. His eyes moved from my face to my chest and I fought the urge to cover my body with my arms. I’d never been allowed to do that with Father… to hide. After a while I hadn’t cared either way, but with Vaughn… with Vaughn it wasn’t the same thing.
And it wasn’t because I was afraid me being half-naked would spur him to do something.
No, my feelings on the matter were a lot more messed up than that.
Vaughn looked away from me and glanced at the door. “Do you want me to close this?” he asked.
Yes.
“No,” I said. “I’ll… I’ll do it.”
If he thought my comment strange considering he was right there, he didn’t show it. He simply nodded and then turned away.
Like he couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Like the sight of me disgusted him…
I swallowed hard and looked in the mirror at my skinny chest and thin arms. Dante and Magnus were always urging me to eat more, but I still hadn’t gotten used to being allowed to indulge in food. Father had always decided what I was allowed to eat and how much, so having to figure that out for myself was hard. My body had long ago stopped sending signals to my head about being hungry, so these days it was about remembering to eat and drink. With the stress of Caleb’s abduction, I’d been even less focused on food than before.
Did my appearance repulse Vaughn? Did he think me pathetic for not being able to take better care of myself? Did I remind him too much of the mindless boy who’d practically fallen on the pieces of butterscotch candy he’d handed me like a dying man would throw himself into a pool in the middle of the desert?
I let out a little laugh that sounded like more of a whimper.
It wasn’t really those candies I’d been indulging in. It’d been those few seconds I’d gotten to spend with the man who gave them to me. When he hadn’t been scanning our surroundings to make sure we were alone, he’d been watching me peel open the little nuggets of gold and he’d let out the smallest of laughs when I got my first taste of the buttery goodness.
Vaughn had become one big indulgence for me in the months he’d been working for Father. Besides the one trip outside the house every week Father had allowed me to pick up fresh flowers, I hadn’t ever looked forward to anything until Vaughn had shown up at the mansion. He’d given me a lot more than just candy and that wasn’t a good thing.
Because what he’d given me had been something Brian had made sure I’d let go of long before he’d sold me to my next owner.
Hope.
A chill swept over me. Remembering the shower, I quickly hurried to close the door, ignoring the mental warning in my head that it was against the rules. I started to undo my pants, when I noticed the bundle Vaughn had left for me. I reached for it and realized the top item was actually a towel. Beneath it was a small tube of toothpaste and new toothbrush. And underneath that was a shirt… a really big shirt.
My fingers itched to touch the material. I gave in to the need and let my fingers skim over the softness of it. I didn’t know what possessed me to do what I did next, but I did it anyway.
I picked the folded shirt up and held it to my nose.
Then inhaled deeply.
Definitely his.
God, would he smell like this all over?
I remembered how hot his skin had felt when I’d hugged him after he’d lifted me up off the floor of that van.
More warmth filled my body, so much so that it felt almost wrong, so I quickly pulled the shirt back and opened it so I could see how big it really was.
Something fell to the floor and it took me a moment to find it.