What the hell had I done?
Staying with Cash and Sage?
At their home?
Just us?
Oh God.
But I refused to budge when Ronan asked me if I was sure.
The men went back to talking as they discussed arrangements. I listened long enough to determine that we’d be staying here at the motel for a couple of days while the police finished up their investigation so Cash and Sage could get their guns back after it was proven neither man had shot the man who’d been killed in my apartment. After that, we’d fly on Ronan’s plane down to Arkansas.
I should have been more apprehensive about what was to come, but for some reason, it was one of the last things I was worried about at that moment.
I had no clue what would happen when it was just me, Sage, and Cash again, but I knew I couldn’t let what had happened the night of the wedding happen again.
No matter how much a little part of me wanted it to.
Chapter 6
Sage
It was fucking torture.
Pure hell.
And a little bit of heaven, too.
It’d only been a week since we’d brought Daisy home with us, and nothing about the adjustment had been easy. We had plenty of room, so that wasn’t the issue. No, the issue was me.
Because my anxiety was through the roof.
And there was little Cash could do about it.
With Daisy potentially always within hearing distance, Cash was reluctant to give me the very orders I needed so badly in order to cope with Daisy’s presence. It was the cruelest of double-edged swords.
In the privacy of our bedroom, Cash tried to make up for what he couldn’t provide me with otherwise, but it wasn’t enough.
Having Daisy so close and yet so far out of reach was making me crazy with guilt. I wanted her so badly, I could taste it. But my need for Cash hadn’t changed… if anything, it had grown exponentially with Daisy’s presence. I couldn’t make sense of any of it.
And that was what was dragging me into the darkness that had held me for so very long in its grip before I’d met Cash.
I can’t do it anymore, Sage.
I flinched and closed my eyes as the voice from my past filtered through my head.
“Sage?”
Cash’s voice broke through the darkness and I sucked in a breath. We were getting dinner ready. Daisy was still in her room getting her computer set up. Ronan had gotten all her stuff sent from her apartment that she’d need until she found her own place.
Wherever that ended up being.
Because I couldn’t allow myself to believe that she would stay.
“Sage.”
The firmness in Cash’s voice had me tearing my eyes from the vegetables I’d been cutting. I looked at him, but all I felt was pain when I did.
I was drowning.
He knew it.
I knew it.
There weren’t enough life preservers in the world to save me.
“Why don’t you set the table?” Cash suggested.
Suggested.
Not ordered.
“Can I help with something?” I heard Daisy ask as she entered the kitchen.
I couldn’t look at her, just like I couldn’t look at Cash anymore. I turned my attention back to the vegetables.
“You can set the table,” Cash said after a moment.
I felt a searing pain in my head, but ignored it. I ignored the darkness threatening the edges of my vision too.
I could do this.
We were three people temporarily sharing the same living space and having a meal together. All I had to do was make the fucking salad.
Easy.
So fucking easy.
My fingers shook as I cut into the cucumber I was slicing.
“Are you all set up?” I heard Cash ask.
“Yeah,” Daisy responded. “I told Ronan I should be back to full speed tomorrow.”
I only half-listened to their easy conversation.
God, they fit together so perfectly. I loved the way Daisy made Cash laugh and I loved how relaxed she was around him. I normally loved to listen to their banter, but it was hard to focus on anything as the noise in my head got louder.
“Please, Sage, I can’t take it anymore. You have to make it stop. You promised.”
I shook my head, but couldn’t find the words to tell her I didn’t know how to stop it. I knew what she wanted… I knew the promise she was begging me to keep.
“No, I’ll find another way, Mouse,” I whispered. “I’ll figure it out and I’ll make them stop. I’ll get us out of here.”
She began to cry and then she turned her back on me and curled into a ball. I heard the footsteps coming down the hall. She did too, because her sobs grew louder. I covered her mouth with my hand to stifle her cries, because it would only make things worse.
God, they were so close. Maybe they’d stop at one of the other doors. Shame curled through me even as I wished for that to happen. I needed more time. I had to prove to Mouse that I still had a plan – that I could still make it work. That I could still save her. She just had to hang on a little while longer.