Everett and I often spent a lot of time together before Gage would arrive each night, as well as after he’d leave, and while we never did anything beyond some heavy kissing and petting when he wasn’t with us, we did talk. Everett had shared more about his childhood and what it had been like being handed the reins of a job that he’d never truly wanted. I, in turn, had shared more about my own childhood. I was always careful to skirt around the mark that being left for dead by my mother and the endless procession of foster families who’d deemed me hopeless had left on me, but Everett knew. I could tell he knew. He wouldn’t necessarily call me out on my claims that I was fine now, but he’d make sure to hold me just a little tighter afterward or just look at me a certain way.
I had to believe I wasn’t the only one who was slowly changing as a result of the unique relationship the three of us had found ourselves in. Everett had kept his promise and had started eating better and he’d been struggling less and less with sleeping. He hadn’t had a nightmare even once since we’d started sleeping together, though he did occasionally say Pierce’s name in his sleep. It didn’t bother me because, if anything, I’d started to understand how much he’d really loved Pierce. And in truth, I was grateful to Pierce. He’d given Everett some peace when he’d had none. He’d allowed him to be the man he should have been from the get-go. He’d figured out what I’d only just begun to understand.
That Everett and President Shaw were two very different men.
I’d been crushing on President Shaw when I’d been a kid, but I was falling in love with Everett.
Of course, since my old friend Fate was involved, she’d decided to go ahead and mess with me a bit and bring a second man into my life who I couldn’t help but lose my heart to as well. Gage’s strength, openness, protective nature, love for his family – they were all beacons of light that drew me in.
But it was moments like these that were what had earned him a permanent place in my heart.
He gave trust without demanding any in return. Every word he spoke, every touch he gave was about just that – giving. Whether he was trying to draw out the poison from an emotional scar with soft words of encouragement or comfort, or using his body to bring pleasure and restore trust, he never hid from us. I knew the man was capable of brutal strength and he had the commanding presence to demand acquiescence, but he never used it to get what he wanted. And there was nothing more natural than for him to be the first one to admit he was losing his heart in all this. The idea of admitting out loud what I knew to be true in my heart scared the ever-loving hell out of me, but Gage had just gone and dropped that bomb on me like it was nothing.
Even though it was everything.
My body was shaking by the time Gage returned to me. His hands came up to cradle my face as he kissed me softly. “Nothing happens that you don’t want,” he reminded me gently.
I managed a nod, but nothing more.
Gage took his time kissing me, but admittedly, it took me longer than I would have liked to get past my tension and actually kiss him back. I knew I was getting caught up in the fear of what was to come. With Chris, the act had mostly been uncomfortable, but I’d loved what had come after as he’d held me in his arms and told me he loved me, so I hadn’t ever brought it up with him.
When I’d been forced to sell my body to get what I’d wanted, I’d heard plenty of horror stories about kids in similar positions ending up gang-raped or even killed, so in a twisted way, I considered myself lucky. But even though I hadn’t technically been raped and I’d consented to everything that had been done to me, I’d hated every moment of it. Every dick I’d had to suck, every guy rutting into me like I was nothing more than a body that had been specifically created for that purpose, every ugly word that had been whispered in my ear while I’d been treated like the trash I was.
Nash the Trash.
“Nash, baby,” Gage said softly, “Need you to stay with me, okay?”
I looked at him and realized I’d gotten lost in the past. I glanced at Everett and saw that he was sitting forward in the chair, his eyes full of worry.
What was I doing? Why was I letting the past take this important moment from me? I hadn’t had a choice back then, but I had one now. I’d chosen this.