But I hadn’t done it.
There’d been no reason to once I’d lost Pierce. But to not be able to say it now, even though the person standing in front of me already knew and wouldn’t judge me?
What kind of coward did that make me?
“It’s okay, Everett,” Gage said. His hand skimmed my cheek and settled on my neck, much like Nash’s hand had a couple of weeks earlier when I’d had that panic attack.
“No, it’s not a problem,” I managed to say.
A door slamming jolted me from my thoughts, and I looked over to see Nash standing by the front door of the smaller house. His eyes were on me and Gage and he did not look happy. He stormed off around the back of the house.
I shook my head and laughed, but nothing about the situation was funny. It was turning out to be a fucking mess and Reese hadn’t even arrived yet.
The reminder of my son had me stepping away from Gage on the pretense of getting my luggage from the trunk. But I forgot about Zeus at my feet and nearly tripped over the big dog. Gage grabbed my elbow to steady me as I stepped over the massive animal. I dodged Houdini in the same move and hurried to the trunk, eager to escape the heat of Gage’s touch.
“How’s Reese?” I asked.
Gage moved to where I was fumbling to get the trunk open.
“He’s good. I saw him this morning. His doctor is hoping to release him in a week or so.”
A week. It was too soon and a lifetime away at the same time.
“He’s still in a lot of pain, of course, but he’s eager to get started on his physical therapy.”
I nodded. “He never was good at sitting still,” I murmured. “He’ll want to get back to the way things were as soon as possible.”
I fiddled with my luggage a bit. Before I could lift the suitcase out of the trunk, Gage was doing it for me. He settled his hands on the handle of the luggage and said, “I told him you were going to be staying here too.”
“So soon?” I asked as my nerves kicked in.
“I wanted him to have time to think about it. We can’t force him into this or it’ll never work,” Gage said.
I knew he was right, but I was still terrified. “What did he say?”
“That he’s not doing it,” Gage responded without hesitation.
I’d expected as much, but it still hurt.
“Everett, he’ll come around. My guess is sooner rather than later. Like you said, he wants his life back, but he’s smart enough to know he can’t do this on his own. I’ve already gotten the guys on the team to hedge on letting him stay with them. I doubt he’d even ask in the first place, since he’s too proud for that. But many of them would have offered as soon as they found out he had no place to go.”
I nodded. “I’m glad… I’m glad he has you guys.”
“It’ll be okay,” Gage said as he gave my arm a gentle squeeze. “Come on, let me show you where you and Agent McTense will be staying.”
I chuckled at the description of Nash and grabbed the second suitcase. I fell into step next to Gage as we walked toward the little blue house. “He’s not always like that,” I said. I couldn’t explain the need to protect Nash, but it was there all the same. “I mean, yeah, he’s big on rules and protocol, but a lot of what you’re seeing is because I keep fighting with him about it. You’d think I’d be used to them after so long, but the truth is they get in the way sometimes, you know?”
Gage slowed, then stopped. “You really don’t see it, do you?”
“See what?” I asked.
“He’s not pissed because the rules and shit are getting in your way. He’s pissed because they’re getting in his.”
“What?” I asked, completely confused.
But Gage didn’t answer me as he continued toward the house.
He couldn’t be right, could he?
Could he?
I tore myself from my wayward thoughts and followed Gage into the house. It wasn’t a big house, but it was nicely decorated, though it had an unlived-in feel to it. The air had a slight staleness to it, even though the furniture looked brand new. I didn’t miss the feminine touch prevalent through the residence.
“Sorry, I’ve been airing it out for a couple of days,” Gage said as he headed up the stairs with my suitcase. “But it still smells a bit from being closed up for so long.”
“No, it’s fine. It’s beautiful. Thank you so much for doing this.”
I followed Gage into one of two bedrooms at the top of the stairs. It was a decent size and had an attached bathroom. There was a small sitting area by the picture window that overlooked the back yard, which was expansive and had a lot going on in it.