“There was no one special…a boyfriend or girlfriend?” I ventured, adding the girlfriend part in since I wasn’t sure if Phoenix was gay or bi.
“No boyfriend,” he said and then he dropped his mouth to my ear. “And definitely no girlfriend,” he whispered.
I smiled. Okay, so that answered that.
“How is that possible?” I asked.
“Well, see, gay men don’t generally like the girlie parts…”
I swatted at the arm he had pressed around my waist. “I meant the boyfriend part.”
His chuckle rumbled through his chest and into me. I had to fight back the tears that threatened to fall.
How was I ever going to live without this?
“Not sure,” Phoenix murmured. “My parents were supportive when I came out when I was a teenager so I was lucky that I never had to hide who I really was. I had a couple of boyfriends in high school, but once I joined the military, I was focused on that more than my love life. I always figured I’d have plenty of time to settle down once I was done with the army.”
“Where were you stationed?”
“Texas mostly. I was an Army Ranger.”
“Did you serve in Iraq or Afghanistan?” I asked.
“Both…our missions took us all over the Middle East.”
“Why’d you leave?” I asked. “It sounds like you loved it.”
Phoenix was quiet for a long time and I didn’t rush him. “I did love it. I left after I lost my family in a car accident.”
Shock reverberated through me. “All of them?” I whispered.
I felt him nod against me. “My sister was picking my parents up from the airport. They were on their way back to my sister’s house when they were hit head-on by a semi. The driver had fallen asleep at the wheel. He survived.”
I shook my head. “I’m so sorry, Phoenix.” I pulled his hand up and pressed it to my lips. He tightened his other arm around me.
“But if you loved the army so much, why not go back to it after…” I let me words drop off because I didn’t know how to phrase my question without sounding like a jerk.
“Because my sister was seven months pregnant at the time of the accident.”
I stilled and then turned in his arms. There was enough light from the rising sun to see the pain in his eyes. “The baby survived?” I asked, remembering the pink room Phoenix had gone into to get the mattress for Henry.
“She did,” he said with a nod. “One of the motorists stuck in the traffic jam that happened after the accident was a doctor. My sister wasn’t killed instantly, but the doctor knew she wouldn’t survive the trip to the ER. So, she performed a C-section right there in the ambulance. I named the baby after the doctor and my sister. Amani Angela Jones.”
“Amani,” I said softly. “That’s beautiful.”
“I left the army to take care of Amani. She was in the hospital for about a month since she was premature, but she was in perfect health when they let me take her home.”
Phoenix paused and swallowed hard as he tried to collect himself and I knew in my gut that his story wouldn’t have a happy ending. If it had, the door to that pink room wouldn’t have been closed.
“I sued the company the driver worked for. The money they paid me to settle the case, along with the money my parents and sister left behind, was enough to ensure that Amani would never want for anything. I decided to raise Amani full-time, so I left the army and spent my days taking care of her. I adopted her when she was a few months old.”
“What about her father?” I asked.
“He wasn’t in the picture. He’d been dating my sister for a few months when she got pregnant, but when she told him, he didn’t want anything to do with the baby. He gave up his parental rights in exchange for my sister not seeking child support. He was in the military too, so she never saw him again after that. It was just me and Amani.”
His voice broke on his daughter’s name and I reached up to stroke his face. “What happened to her, Phoenix?”
He shook his head and I felt my heart clench when a tear slipped down his face.
“A little over a year ago, her father showed up out of the blue. He’d left the military and after he’d heard about what had happened to Angela, he wanted to see Amani. Said he’d had a change of heart and that he wanted to be a part of his daughter’s life. She was five by then and only knew me as her father…I’d been planning to tell her about her mother when she was old enough to understand it. I refused to let him see her so he took me to court. My lawyer said the guy actually had a case…that judges usually granted custody to the biological parent.”