I was feeling it now.
And I had no idea what to do about it.
Because I knew in my gut the encounter I was about to have with him would be about one thing and one thing only.
Was I okay with that? Being used to slake some need? What if it wasn’t like it had been in the bathroom? What if it became something cheap and pointless like with the club guys?
I blew out my breath as I shook my head. I was an over-thinker by nature. I’d had to be because I’d been charged with making too many adult decisions when I’d still been a kid. I’d literally held the responsibility of another life in my hands and I’d been terrified that I’d fuck it up. Even after that pressure had been taken off of me by the big brother I hadn’t even known I’d had, the need to protect hadn’t eased. It had taken years before I’d been able to feel like I could take a breath.
I shook my head and snatched the keys out of the ignition. Maybe this thing with Memphis would turn into something less than I’d hoped for, but maybe it would be the start of something great too. Maybe I’d find what my brother had. What all the men in my life had found with their partners. Hell, maybe I’d finally be able to let go of the hold a certain gray-eyed, brown-haired young man had on me. And even if it just turned out to be great sex, where was the harm in that?
I ignored the voice in my head reminding me I wasn’t that guy and got out of the car. The motel room door was propped open slightly because the security latch had been flipped to keep the door from shutting. I took that as a sign not to bother knocking and pushed the door open. I saw him immediately because he was standing just on the other side of the room, his hands braced on the vanity in front of the bathroom mirror. The room was designed such that the bathroom sink was outside the actual bathroom.
I kept my eyes on Memphis as I reached behind me to flip the security latch so I could shut the door, and as it clicked into place, Memphis lifted his eyes. I could see in the reflection that he’d removed his tie and undone a couple of buttons at his throat to reveal a smattering of dark chest hair. The idea that I’d soon get to see all of him had my mouth watering and my cock twitching with excitement.
I dropped my car keys on the small table next to his wallet and keys, but didn’t move any farther into the room. Memphis studied me for a long time before he turned around and leaned back against the counter. The pain I’d seen earlier in his eyes was gone, but he still looked haunted. He also looked harder than he had in the bathroom…the chill in his gaze wasn’t enough to send me running, but it had me realizing that my earlier worry that this would really just be about sex was going to turn out to be true.
I could still call this off. Hell, I almost wondered if that was what he wanted because he had yet to speak to me and I couldn’t even tell if he was excited to see me.
“You know what this is?” Memphis murmured as he straightened and crossed his arms. “And isn’t?”
Having the answer to my question of whether this was just going to be about sex or something more was disappointing, but if I hadn’t been so in tune to him, I would have missed it. That thread of desperation in his tone that belied the disinterested way in which he was holding himself. Maybe I was still overreaching, but I clung to that unspoken plea and nodded my head.
I held myself still as Memphis approached me. My back was to the door so I had no place to go, but since I had no intention of going anywhere anyway, it didn’t matter. He didn’t stop until he was in my space. But he didn’t touch me and he kept several inches between our bodies even as he placed his hands on either side of my head, caging me in. Maybe he’d meant to intimidate me, but all he’d managed to do was turn me on even more.
“Who’s Tristan?”
“What?” I managed to choke out since that was the very last thing I expected him to say.
“Who is he?”
I shook my head in disbelief. “How-”
“You mentioned his name after the shooting.”
I swallowed hard at that because I didn’t remember that at all. “What…what did I say?”
Memphis’s dark eyes latched onto mine. “You said to tell him you were sorry.”