Eli studied me for a moment and then shifted his gaze so that he was staring out the window. “When you said you didn’t want my money, I went right back there, you know?” Eli loosened his hold on the water bottle and began rubbing his thumb back and forth over the label. The self-soothing move tore at my insides.
“I knew what Elena did to get us money after our mom was deported. But I didn’t really get it. Elena was always really good at making it seem like she just had a lot of boyfriends who liked to take care of her. I guess I was pretty stupid.”
“No, you weren’t. Your sister was trying to protect you.”
Eli nodded. “When she didn’t come home, the food started running out. Then the landlord started coming by every day to collect the rent. I told him Elena would be back with the money soon. After a week, he told me I either had to pay up or get out.”
I saw Eli swallow hard and my gut clenched as I realized what was coming.
“I didn’t know it was something guys did with other guys…I mean, I knew some women sold themselves for money, but I didn’t know guys did it too. The landlord…he told me how Elena paid the rent and he told me I could do the same thing. Since I knew I was gay, I thought maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.”
I felt the bile rising in my throat and I had to clench my hands together to keep from reaching for the decorative glass bowl on the coffee table in front of me, because all I really wanted to do in that moment was hurl it through the fucking window.
“I hated every second of it and after he was done, part of me wanted to die. But another part of me was just so damned relieved because those few minutes had ensured I’d have a roof over my head for another week. The next guy meant I got to eat for a couple of days. The guy after that made it possible for me to keep the heat on. In a way, it became easy after a while. I mean, I wasn’t proud of it or anything…I knew what those men thought of me. Most of them didn’t even bother to hide the fact that they thought I was garbage.”
Eli looked up at me. “Today in the garage when you said you didn’t want money, my head just went to how I could get what I needed. I thought…I thought you wanted me like that.”
Fuck, I needed to tread carefully here. “You saw me, Eli. I think it was pretty obvious that I wanted you.”
“Then why-”
“Because I want you,” I said firmly. “Not that guy on his knees in the garage who thinks no one will ever see him as anything other than garbage.”
Eli seemed to have trouble holding my gaze, so he dropped his eyes again and stared at the bottle in his hands.
“Eli, this guy who hurt you, did you have a run-in with him again? Is that why you asked me to teach you to fight?”
He was quiet for so long that I was sure he wasn’t going to answer me. But he finally took in a deep breath and said, “Last night at my place, Baby jumped out of bed and ran towards the front door. I thought maybe he had to go out or something so I got up to check on him. He was staring at the front door so I figured I was right and went to get his leash. That’s when I saw it. The knob…it jiggled just a little.”
My insides went cold at Eli’s words.
“Then there were these sounds like metal against metal, but real quiet. And then the door unlocked. I just froze. And then it was opening.”
I could see Eli was shaking, so I got up and went to sit next to him. I put my hand on his knee in the hopes of soothing him, but he barely seemed to notice.
“Baby started growling at that point and when the door opened just a little, he started barking like crazy. I heard footsteps hurrying down the stairs.”
Eli looked at me. “It was probably just a random burglar or something, right?”
My lack of a response was answer enough and Eli dropped his gaze again. “I figured I should know some moves in case Baby wasn’t around if it happened again.”
I was barely containing my anger and actually had to get up and walk away from Eli so I could get control of myself. The thought of how close he’d come to getting hurt again, or worse, was driving me insane.
“Tell me who this guy is,” I finally managed to get out.