“Does she work for you?”
“Who? Daisy?” I asked, focusing my attention on getting my bag repacked. My fingers hit on the picture of Revay and I realized it had gotten buried near the bottom of the bag.
Because I hadn’t looked at it even once since the night I’d begged Tate to say my real name for the first time.
“Yeah.”
“No, she works for Ronan.”
“Do you work for him, too?”
I knew we were treading on dangerous ground so I said, “We should get on the road so you’ll be able to drive over the pass tonight before it gets too dark.”
The idea of watching Tate drive off caused a pain so sharp in my chest that I actually had to stop what I was doing so I could try to catch my breath. I heard Tate moving around behind me, but I didn’t turn around as I grabbed my bag and left the room. I tossed my bag in the backseat of the truck and got it started. Tate appeared a moment later and climbed in beside me.
“You hungry?” I asked.
Tate didn’t look at me. He just shook his head. I drove the truck across the street to a fast food place and ordered him a breakfast sandwich anyway, along with some coffee, but neither of us touched our food. Lunch was a repeat of breakfast, but when I told Tate he should try to eat something, he sent me a pained glance before turning his attention back out the window.
We were making good time until we hit rush hour traffic in Denver and then a major traffic jam on one of the mountain passes that added several hours to our trip. The sun had just started to set behind the mountains when we finally pulled in front of my garage. Tate was out of the car the second it rolled to a stop. I got out and went around the truck to watch him pulling his bag from the backseat. He began rifling through it for a moment and then pulled the car keys for his rental out of one of the inner pockets. I’d parked his rental car next to the garage so I had no trouble seeing him as he went to the car, opened the trunk and tossed his bag in. My chest felt like it was going to explode as he walked around it to the driver’s side and I realized he was actually going to leave without speaking to me. It took everything in me not to move forward and stop him. To demand he say something…anything that said these last three days had meant something to him…that they’d changed him the way they’d changed me.
But I couldn’t ask that of him. Because even though being with Tate had changed me, it hadn’t changed what I needed to do. It hadn’t changed the fact that I couldn’t let go of the one thing that I would need to in order to be with him the way I wanted.
Tate reached the door, but didn’t open it. He just stood there staring at the handle like he didn’t know what it was for. He finally looked up at me and even from where I stood, I could see the agony in his eyes. I moved a few steps forward without even thinking about it, but stopped myself when I was still several feet away.
Because if I touched him…
“She wouldn’t have wanted this for you,” Tate said so softly, I barely heard him.
But I did hear him. And I knew who she was. I couldn’t help the flash of anger that went through me. “You have no idea what she would have wanted. You didn’t know her.”
Tate shook his head and dropped his eyes again. “Don’t you get it, Hawke?”
I flinched at the use of my nickname…it sounded wrong coming from his lips after all the times he’d called me by my real name.
“Get what?” I asked.
“I know her because I am her.” The strange statement made no sense to me, but I held my tongue as Tate turned to face me.
“I love you,” he finally said and I felt my heart drop out of my chest. “I love you like she loved you. With everything I am. And that’s how I know she wouldn’t have wanted this life for you.”
My mouth felt dry at the same time that heat flashed through my entire body. Tate loved me? I was so overcome that I almost didn’t notice Tate shaking his head as he reached for the handle. I was on him in two strides and I slammed the door shut before he could open it all the way.
“No,” I snapped angrily. “You don’t get to say that to me and then just walk away!”
I pushed away from Tate and took several steps back as I tried to get control of my emotions. A maelstrom of them were going through me all at once. Joy, dread, confusion, fear.