“Not necessary,” I interrupted. Killing the men who’d abused and taken a hit out on Jonas had been a pleasure.
“Jesus, Ronan, would you just shut the fuck up and let me say what I need to say?”
I wanted to tell him no. Because it didn’t matter. I’d done what needed to be done, plain and simple. Mace deserved a future with the two men he’d chosen to spend the rest of his life with. But I held my tongue.
“You already know I can’t ever repay you for saving them both.”
I managed to school my expression as I remembered the moment when I’d watched Cole take a bullet for Jonas. The whole thing had seemed to happen in slow motion as I’d rushed down the hall. Jonas had been screaming for Mace as a blood covered Cole lay prone before him. I’d pushed past countless people to get to Cole because in that moment, the doctor in me had replaced the assassin. I had saved Cole’s life – it was true. And I’d saved Jonas’s just hours later when the man who’d wanted him dead confronted him in an empty bathroom in the ICU of the hospital Cole had been taken too. I’d used my fingers to stem the blood of one man and used my gun to spill the blood of another. It was the first time I’d ever been the old Ronan and the new one.
“You saved mine too.”
I began shaking my head but Mace put his hand up. “The thing Jonas said about you using me…we both know that isn’t true. The only people who might have had a chance of saving me after what happened to my son would have been Jonas or Cole. I wouldn’t have given up on ending my life for anyone but them…not my parents, not my ex, not you.”
To my shock, I actually felt a shimmer of relief go through me. I’d found Mace by pure chance after his son’s killer had come to my attention. I often researched how the surviving victims of my mark’s crimes were doing…maybe because it made it so much easier to pull the trigger, maybe because I needed to know that the sin I was committing was truly justified beyond the victims who were no longer among us. I wasn’t really sure. But learning about Mace had hit entirely too close to home. Because his guilt had driven him to try taking his life, much like mine had done to me. Hawke had saved me and I knew I could do the same for Mace. I’d met him just after he’d been released from the psych ward he’d been admitted to after he’d tried to commit suicide. After a brief conversation with the belligerent, bitter man, I’d known he’d try it again the first chance he got. So I’d killed the man who’d taken his son’s life and offered Mace a chance to do for other kids what he hadn’t been able to do for his own child.
“You gave me a reason to live. I could have walked away from you, the job, any of it at any point. I didn’t because I needed it. Because it was all I had to keep me going, even if it was stealing little pieces from me bit by bit. Now I live for Jonas and Cole. I never would have had that chance if it hadn’t been for you.”
I was overwhelmed by the admission so all I managed was a brief nod. “Do they know you’re here?” I asked.
“Cole and Jonas?”
I nodded.
“They know. And they’re completely okay with it, Ronan. Like it or not, you’re family to us.”
I swallowed hard at that.
“Cole will be stopping by later tonight to spell me, if that’s okay with you.”
I felt pathetic for not being able to find my voice as I nodded yet again. As strange as being reunited with Mace and his lovers was, I would gladly accept the ex-cop and his Navy SEAL boyfriend’s help.
“Hawke gave me some of the details. Can you fill me in on the rest?”
“Yeah,” I finally said. My voice sounded shaky and uneven but I was glad that Mace didn’t seem to notice…or that he was kind enough not to remark on it.
I took a deep breath and sank farther onto the couch as I began outlining the attacks on Seth, starting with the one that had happened the day I’d walked back into his life.
* * *
God, what the fuck was I doing?
I was in the process of debating whether I should go through with opening the door when a harried young woman trotted up to me. She glanced at me as I blocked the door and it took her saying, “Are you going in?” to get me moving.
I murmured an apology and opened the door for her. Before I could even decide if I should walk through it, another woman carrying a baby and holding a little boy’s hand walked out and nodded her thanks.