To distract myself, I asked, “Is it going to be awkward seeing Darrah after her conversation with Jack?”
“No. We already texted, and she apologized. She said what she did because she was worried about me, and I won’t hold it against her.” He really was the most understanding person I’d ever met.
We got out of the car, and as the driver took my suitcase from the trunk, Wes asked, “Want me to help you get that upstairs?”
“No thanks, I’ve got it.”
He kissed me and said, “Good night, Ash. I’ll see you tomorrow,” before climbing back into the car. I watched as it pulled away, and then I heaved that big, heavy suitcase up to my third floor apartment.
As soon as I opened the door, Jasper ran to me and tackled me in a hug. His baby blue flannel pajamas were soft beneath my palms. Then he held me at arm’s length and exclaimed, “Look at you, you’re so tan!” When he scrutinized me more closely, he added, “Something’s wrong.”
I let out a ragged breath before saying, “My emotions are all over the place right now.”
“Come sit down and talk to me, Ash.”
He guided me to the sofa and put his arm around my shoulders, and I said, “I don’t know what to do. For the last nine days, I was fully immersed in the best relationship of my life. Now we’re back to reality, and I know it can’t be that intense twenty-four-seven thing anymore. But I don’t just want to casually date him. I can’t dial it back like that.”
“You’re in love with him, aren’t you?” When I nodded, he asked, “Did you tell him that?”
“No. I was worried Wes would think it was too soon. Everything was just so perfect, and I was afraid of screwing it up.”
“I think you need to tell him how you feel.”
“I will, when the time is right.”
He asked, “When’s that?”
“I have no idea. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
“So, how did you two leave it?”
“I asked him to dinner tomorrow night. I wanted to invite him in, but I figured he had stuff he needed to do. He was distracted with work emails during the ride from the airport, and he has to be in the office first thing tomorrow.” I sighed, and after a moment I admitted, “Plus, I didn’t want to seem clingy and pathetic.”
“It’s not pathetic to want to be with the man you love, Ash.”
“I guess. Anyway, enough about me,” I said, as I took my friend’s hand. “How are you, Jas? What’s new?”
“I’m the same as I was when you left. Nothing ever changes with me, you know that. And we’re not done talking about you and Wesley.”
“I don’t know what else to say.”
“If it was totally up to you,” he said, “what would you want to happen with you two?”
“You’re going to say it’s too soon.”
“Just tell me. Be honest.”
“Okay, fine.” I took a breath, then admitted, “I want him to move in with me. I want him in my bed every night, and in my arms, and in my life. I can’t do part-time with Wes. I just can’t. I miss him so much right now that there’s a physical ache in my chest. But he can’t want that, too.”
“What makes you say that?”
“He was just so casual about it in the car, like okay, see you Monday.”
Jasper asked, “Do you think maybe he was doing the same thing you were? Trying to play it cool so he didn’t seem needy?”
“I don’t know.”
“You’re having this conversation with the wrong person,” he said. “Go talk to Wes and tell him how you feel. You owe it to yourself, Ash.”
“But what if he’s not on the same page?”
“What if he is? You’ll never know until you talk to him.”
The advice I’d gotten from Wes’s grandfather echoed through me: he deserves to know how you feel. I exhaled slowly and stood up. “Okay, you’re right. I’m going to his apartment, because this has to happen in person.”
Jasper smiled at me. “Go get your man, boo.”
I made it halfway across the living room, and then I turned back and asked, “If, by some miracle, he actually wants the same things I do, would you be okay with him moving in here? His place would make more sense because it’s bigger, but it’s just not a home. I haven’t forgotten that this is your apartment though, and I’m just renting a room from you. That means it’s your call. If it makes you uncomfortable, or—”
“Of course he can move in, if that’s what you two decide. That’s not a problem at all.”
I asked, “Are you sure? Because you didn’t seem all that thrilled with him before the trip.”
“I was worried about you at that point,” he said, “because it was supposed to be a business arrangement, and I thought you were headed for heartbreak. It’s different now, and he’s totally welcome here.”