“Sit the fuck down, Nolan.” Halpern looked annoyed. “Have you talked to your father about this?”
“What? No, of course not,” I stammered as I sunk onto the uncomfortable chair before his huge desk.
“Why not?”
“Why would I?”
“So he can talk some sense into you before you flush your career down the toilet.” He and my father were old friends, but I was still surprised that he’d bring up my dad.
“With all due respect, sir, I’m an adult. I can make my own decisions.”
“Seems to me you’re making some pretty piss-poor ones at the moment. It would make sense to seek counsel from a decorated senior officer – who just happens to be your father – before doing something drastic.”
I changed the subject, since I was getting really annoyed at the idea that I had to ask my daddy for permission before quitting. “Sir, did you know Dmitri Teplov is gay?”
“Of course I know he’s gay. Everyone knows that. He runs his nightclub like his own personal gay whorehouse.” Halpern stared at me like I was simpleminded, and said, “Is there some reason you’re asking me this?”
“I was just wondering if maybe the reason you selected me for that assignment is because I’m gay, too.”
“You were selected because you’re one of the youngest officers at this station, so you’d have a shot at blending in with the crowd at that nightclub.” He narrowed his piercing dark eyes at me and said, “Why? Did you think we sent you there to get into Teplov’s pants?”
I squirmed uncomfortably and didn’t answer. Instead I said, “I felt kind of blindsided, since his sexual orientation wasn’t in his file.”
“Of course it is! All pertinent data was outlined clearly for you in the written report you were given. Didn’t you read it?”
“Yes sir, I read it. And it didn’t say anything about the fact that he’s gay. Which made me feel kind of like I was being thrown into a shark tank while wearing salmon underpants.”
Despite himself, Halpern’s lip twitched. He wasn’t about to let me see him smile, of course. But I knew him well enough to know what that twitch meant.
He swiveled around in his big chair and pulled open a drawer behind him, then plucked out a file. He tossed it on his desk and folded back the cover, then located a thick sheaf of papers, held together with a binder clip. He held up the papers and said, “You were given a copy of this report on Teplov. You were told to memorize it.”
“Yes sir. And that’s what I did.”
He grabbed his reading glasses and shoved them in place, then flipped through the report. Finally he paused at the second to the last page and said, “If you read it, what was unclear about this part?”
He held out the papers to me, and I took the packet from him and scanned the page he’d indicated. It detailed all that was known about Dmitri’s personal life, including the fact that he was gay, and also included information about several men he’d been romantically involved with. I would have loved to read that part. But for now I glanced up at my captain and said, “I was never given this page, sir.”
“What?”
I flipped through the report and said, “The packet I was given ended on page twenty four. This goes to page twenty seven. No wonder I didn’t know all this stuff about his private life.”
“Someone in clerical fucked up big time. And when I find out who it was, they’re toast.” Halpern tossed his reading glasses aside and pinned me with a sharp gaze. “So, what did you think? That I omitted that information on purpose? That, four months after you came out of the closet, I decided to pimp you out to a gay thug? Is that what you thought?”
“Well, I….” Yes. Exactly. I looked down at my hands.
“For fuck’s sake, Jamie. Do you really think I’d do that to you?”
I felt ashamed now, and still didn’t meet his gaze.
Halpern continued, “I’m sorry you were given an incomplete report. That really is unacceptable, especially for your first undercover assignment. But I’m offended as hell that you’d think I would treat you like that, Nolan.”
“I’m sorry, sir.”
He leaned back in his chair and regarded me for a long moment. And then he said, “Is that why you’re thinking about resigning? Because you thought I was using your sexual orientation to get you close to a suspect?”
“I was pissed off about that, sir, and I apologize for my misassumption. But that’s not why I’m thinking about resigning.”
“Well, why then?”
“Because I kind of have to.”
“Jamie, you’re just green, still. This was your first shot at undercover work, and you’re hardly the first cop in history to botch an assignment. Don’t take it so hard.”
“That’s not really the problem.” I met his gaze and said honestly, “The problem is that I’m falling for a suspected felon.”