I could feel the tears springing up again. “I don’t know. I’m confused. I’m scared. I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“You can stop me if this isn’t any of my business,” my mother said, “but I haven’t heard you talk about seeing anyone. Is the father in the picture?”
It was a more uncomfortable question than I would have anticipated it being, but I understood her asking. And there was no reason to try to sugarcoat it. In other situations, conjuring up a fake man in my life might have worked out. I wasn’t above borrowing a friend’s brother or gay best friend to be my date to a wedding or to throw off a guy hitting on me at a bar.
But faking a happy family with my baby’s father was going to be a bit more of a leap.
“No,” I said matter-of-factly. “There is no boyfriend, and the baby’s father isn’t part of the picture. At least, I don’t think he is. He knows, but he didn’t exactly express any interest in being involved. I’m coming to terms with the idea that I’m doing this on my own.”
“You aren’t alone,” my father said. “And you don’t have to do anything on your own. Come home.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Of course,” my mother said. “Come home. We’ll help you.”
The drive from Redding would take a few hours, but I would gladly make it. Hearing them say that made it feel like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I got off the call and immediately started packing. Within an hour I was in my car sending a text to Derek to let him know I was taking him up on the offer and would be with my parents a few more days.
At least this time it was the truth.
I headed out feeling for the first time since finding out I was pregnant that everything might work out okay.
I wasn’t expecting the deer that jumped out at me.
Gasping, I swerved to avoid hitting the animal. Before I could regain control of the car, it skidded, and I ended up tumbling down an embankment into a ditch. My head hit the window, and the edges of my vision started to go black. I fought to stay conscious, to keep myself from slipping into sleep. But soon I couldn’t hold on, and everything faded.
After that it was just snippets of lucidity. Sounds. Smells. Bright lights and frantic voices. The sensation of pressure on my arms and people touching me. Even though I was experiencing everything that was happening, I couldn’t bring myself up out of the fog.
I didn’t know how long it had been when I finally opened my eyes. I was in a hospital room connected to machines with bandages covering various injuries. A nurse was in the room with me, and she smiled at me when she noticed I was awake.
“Good to see you awake. You were in an accident. Do you remember what happened?” she asked. I nodded, and she smiled again. “Good. How are you feeling?”
In that moment I didn’t notice any pain throughout my body. All I could think about was the baby. Suddenly, I was scared to hell I’d lost it before I had even gotten the chance to be happy about it.
25
Noah
The last few days had been hellish. When I’d gone to the kitchen, it was with the hope that Ally would be there and we could talk everything through. Spilling everything out to my brother hadn’t been part of the plan in my head. But after it all came tumbling out, I assumed he would make sure I could get to her.
Only it seemed he was determined to make things more difficult for me. Like I was paying penance. I probably deserved it, but I also wanted to find her. I needed to apologize to her for the way I acted when I first heard the news and we needed to talk about everything. But Derek would only give me her phone number.
I immediately walked out into the courtyard to call her. It seemed appropriate considering the setting, like I was bringing the conversation full circle. Maybe I could even get her to come back and we could have an official redo of the conversation right from where we left off.
But in order for that to happen, she would need to answer the phone. Which she didn’t. I called twice and got ignored both times. I left a voicemail the third time I called, and it went straight to the inbox. We’d never exchanged numbers, so I didn’t know how she would have mine to ignore or block, but it was obvious I wasn’t getting through to her that night.
I went back into the kitchen and confronted Derek again.
“I need her address,” I said.
He shook his head without even looking up from his papers. “No.”