And before I give her a chance to respond, I turn my back and storm out of the room. Fool, I tell myself. Three times a fool.
How my keffing mother would laugh. I think of the titled ladies she's sent in my direction, each one attempting to lure me over to my mother's side or to entice me into some sort of alliance. No wonder I hate the touch of everyone. They all want something from me, they don't actually want me.
I liked Ruth's kisses. Now, I fear, they're tainted. I won't be able to stand her kissing me again without thinking she wants something from me. I head back to my office to brood and to wait for Saluruus Bist to contact me back. I sit at my desk, drumming my fingers, and then go back to pacing. Part of me wishes Ruth had come after me, explaining that she'd wanted to kiss me, that she wasn't manipulating me. She doesn't, though, and that just makes my mood worse.
By the time Bist sends his one-line message, I'm in an utterly foul mood.
Fifty thousand welcomes for you, my friend, the message says. It's code for fifty thousand credits, and I roll my eyes with disgust. Bist's price gets higher every time we use him. We're definitely going to have to take down a few merchant ships after this just to replenish our funds. I pull a shock collar and control glove out of my desk and then add a shock inhibitor chip to the collar. Even if I should somehow lose Ruth—or if she runs—no one can use the collar against her. It will light up and vibrate but will bring no pain. It's purely for show and to deceive others if she needs “punishment.”
I might be a virgin and a fool, but I would not hurt her. I'm not my mother.
46
RUTH
Well, I fucked that up.
I pace in Straik's quarters, just like he does, and it doesn't help calm my damn mind. I panicked the moment he stabbed himself with that needle, feeling stupid, and I licked him because I wanted to take the pain away. I didn't realize he was going to freak out on me and think I'm manipulating him. I mean, I have tried manipulating him in the past, but that was done purely because…I wanted to. Because I wanted to soothe him. Because I'm obsessed with touching him and putting my mouth on him.
Which is really, really fucked up. I should hate aliens. I should loathe all of them. But…I don't hate that one. Not even a little.
I worry that he's going to change his mind and they'll leave me behind on the ship. I remove the needle from the tunic and smooth it out, laying it on the bed for Straik to dress in when he returns. I adjust my own clothes, but I don't have shoes or a purse or anything. Just this dress. No panties, no bra, nada. It's fine hiding in Straik's quarters, but now that we're going out on the station…shouldn't I have a bit more?
What's the etiquette for bringing a pet on station? I wish I knew.
Just when I'm about to storm out of the room in sheer frustration to go look for Straik, he enters. We exchange a look and then he moves toward the tunic I've left on the bed. He picks it up, slipping it over his head. "Are you ready to go to the station?"
"You're welcome," I mutter, thinking of how many hours I spent piecing that thing back together again, without so much as a thank you. Of course, I was the one to tear it apart…and I might have also stabbed him with a needle and then licked his hand, but still.
He pulls the tunic over him and then belts it, and I'm pleased to see it looks rather nice, considering it's been patched back up together. I move to his side, picking a stray bit of thread off his shoulder and then running my fingers down the sleeve. "You look good."
The base of his horns flushes and he glances at me. "Are you ready to go?"
I wiggle a bare foot at him. "Do I need shoes?"
He hesitates and then grimaces. "I don't think we have anything that fits and no time to print something up. Maybe you should stay—"
"I'll go barefoot," I tell him quickly. "It's just a station, right? Should be okay on my feet. And it'll help sell the whole human pet thing, right?" When he doesn't look convinced, I clasp my hands. "Please. You said you wouldn't leave me behind. I can totally sell the pet thing."
Straik finally nods and holds a collar out to me. "I disabled it. Just in case. If it lights up and vibrates, though, it's a good idea to pretend that it's affecting you."