“Good. I have some cookies,” she said. “Do you want some?”
“Absolutely,” I said. “Thanks, Claire.”
She returned to their quarters on the opposite side.
Beatrice watched her go before she turned back to me. “What happened?”
I stopped eating so I could get everything out before Claire returned. “Forneus forced me to take something, and I hallucinated. I’m not sure what happened after that. I somehow made it into the woods…and saw some things.”
“Did he do anything to you?” she whispered.
“No, I don’t think so.” I felt my cheeks, still feeling the sting of the branches. When I looked at my feet, I could see the cuts from my trek into the middle of the forest. “Everything is self-inflicted.”
“Geez…what did he make you take?”
“I don’t know. But whatever it was, it was serious shit. The capsule was small, and I was totally out of it for a long time.”
“Must be LSD or something…”
“Yeah.” I stared down at my food because I didn’t even realize what I was eating. I’d just started to stuff my face because I was malnourished and dehydrated. “But I saw something in the forest. I saw a way out.”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, lowering her voice as her eyebrows furrowed. “A way out?”
“A river.” I remembered the way the moonlight gleamed on the surface, remembered the way the smooth water felt against my skin. It became clearer and clearer, until the sound of the passing water was audible in my mind once again. “It was wide and deep…fast.”
Beatrice’s confused expression deepened. “What does that mean?”
“All rivers lead to the ocean. We take the river out of here.”
“Like swim?” she asked incredulously.
“No. We build boats.”
She studied me harder, giving me that look that indicated she thought I was crazy. “Eat up. You’ll feel better when those pills kick in—”
“I’m serious. We build boats and take the river. We’ll be moving so fast, they won’t be able to catch up with us on foot. All they can do is shoot us, which is fine. I’d rather die trying to escape than have to go through that again.”
She placed her hand on my arm and rubbed me gently. “Where are we going to build boats?”
“The church. They can’t see what we’re doing in there.”
“But I don’t think any of us know how to build a boat.”
“It just needs to float. We can figure the details out later.”
Beatrice still looked incredulous.
“It’s a great plan.”
“And how are we going to carry these boats to the river? When we’re surrounded?”
“I don’t know…” I hadn’t thought that far ahead just yet. “We’ll create a distraction or something. They have torches, so we can set a building on fire. We have options. We can figure this out.”
Her expression didn’t change, regardless of what I said.
“You’ll see.” That experience was divine, the first moment of spirituality I’d experienced in this place. I knew it was real. I knew it was a sign. I knew it was the universe’s way of trying to get us out of there…and be free.
Even days later, I wasn’t quite the same.
My body felt different. Weak. Fatigued. It had nothing to do with sprinting through the forest and cutting my skin on everything in my way. It was internal, like my muscles and cells didn’t work properly.
And my mind…wasn’t the same either.
Static. Fuzz. A hint of confusion.
My first experience with drugs had been a profound one, and the last thing I wanted was to repeat it.
Why would anyone do that voluntarily?
The experience was so intense, I was surprised I’d survived.
Would I survive it again?
I donned my white gown with the wings, my back immediately aching from carrying the twenty pounds behind me, and left the cabin to head to the church. My feet were callused over in a million different layers because I hadn’t had shoes since I arrived here. My feet were practically made of asphalt at this point.
Without knowing the date, I could only mark the passage of time by the change in temperature. With every passing day, it was getting colder, my breath coming out as a distinct cloud of vapor regardless of the time of day. I moved down the path then up the hill, walking to the small chapel.
Stones of different sizes marked the path, and there were stone sculptures in places, angels with an arm missing, demons with a broken-off tail. They were scattered in the area, feeling like a graveyard in every single spot.
Fucking nightmarish.
And, of course, the Malevolent.
Everywhere.
They emerged silently from behind the other cabins and buildings, peering at me through the large skulls that sat atop their heads. Their eyes were open and unblinking, watching me as I were really an angel that fell from heaven.
I stopped and stared.
Stared at them the way they stared at me.
I had to remind myself who they really were underneath the skulls and clothes, unde\rneath their stillness.