“It’s kind of a mess.” Noah seems to read my thoughts.
“You didn’t tell her it was Mom, right?”
“No fucking way.” He finishes bandaging my foot and finally looks at me. “I couldn’t do it.”
I don’t blame him. I’ve come to learn that Emily is a force. She doesn’t have a lot of power in the Cloister, but what she has, she uses to devastating effect. “You’re supposed to see her tomorrow night?”
“Yeah.” His answer is wary.
“I’m going.”
“No way.”
Felix jumps on the bed and stands on my chest, then turns around three times before settling with his tail in my face.
I try to push his fluff away from me, but his claws dig into my shirt. “Fuck.” I speak around him. “I’ll wear a hoodie. Hurry in, keep my head down, and be you.”
“You can’t even walk, dipshit.”
I point to the joint on the bedside table. “I’ll smoke up enough to dull the pain.”
“Too risky. If someone sees you, you’re fucked. And someone will see you. Especially if you’re lit. You’ll probably ask Zion if he has any Cheetos.” He stands. “I’m not letting you out of here just so you can get nailed to the cross again. Forget it.”
He’s right. I know he’s right, but I can’t deny my need for her. I have to see her, have to do something to soothe her broken heart. Her sister. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. I knew she was holding something back from me, but a righteous vendetta was not something I could have guessed—not until I got the clue from her mother. But I was too thickheaded to put it together then. This revelation changes everything and nothing. I still have to see her. A dangerous idea forms. “Wait, how about you bring her here?”
He arches a brow. “I can’t just borrow her from the Cloister. She’s not a library book.”
“Why not?” I pick Felix up and place him beside me on the bed. He gives me a surly look, his orange eyes half open.
“He’s just going to crawl right back on you in a minute,” Noah deflects.
“Bring her here, okay? Think of something, but get her here. Please?”
Felix, true to Noah’s prediction, climbs onto my chest again, this time opting for settling with his face up against my chin.
“Come on, Noah. I’m whoring myself out for your cat. It’s the least you could do.”
He smiles at the orange furball that’s trying to suffocate me, then sobers when he looks me in the eye. “Look, I can’t promise anything. But I can try.”
“That’s all I’m asking.”
“No, you’re asking for more trouble on top of the shit heap full of trouble we already have.”
“Maybe.” I give in and pet Felix. “But I have to see her. I can’t do what needs to be done until I know she’s safe, okay?”
“Fine.” He lifts the lid on Gregory’s terrarium and uses his index finger to stroke the old lizard’s head. “But once that’s done, we have to get serious. About Dad, about the Chapel, about everything.”
“I’m serious.” I settle back and close my eyes. “We’re going to deal with it all, including Mom.”
“Man, I wouldn’t tell her about Mom and her sister. I hope that’s not part of your reason for seeing her.”
“I don’t know.” I’m not sure if I can tell her, let alone if I should. But she deserves to know… at some point.
Felix digs his claws in again, making himself at home, perfectly at ease with the swirling shit storm all around us.
Everything is coming to a head, like a slow-moving wave on the ocean that grows higher and higher the closer it gets to land. When it hits, some of us will be able to weather it, and some of us will be swept away. I can only hope Noah, Emily, and I are sturdy enough to keep our feet on land.
Chapter 19
Delilah
I pace the short length of my room. Grace didn’t come get me today. Instead, I went to the TV room—this time with a Spinner stationed just inside the door—and watched videos on “The Journey of the Prophet,” consisting of multiple propaganda pieces focusing on his life.
Though boring, there were some bright spots. Adam featured in a few of them, always in the background, his dark eyes surveying everything going on as if he was taking names. The younger version of him didn’t smirk as much, but he was still in there, the calculating mind and the forceful character that leaps out of the screen even now.
After a lunch of steamed vegetables, I was escorted back to my room and dumped for the afternoon. I’ve been pacing ever since. The sun has long since gone down, and I haven’t bothered to turn my light on. I continue my walk in darkness.
Sunday looms large in my mind, the black tornado from my dreams waiting to swallow me up. Grace didn’t say a word to me as we left the Prophet’s house yesterday, but I could feel her seething. I’m still here like she wanted, but Sunday is just two days away. If I marry the senator and leave, I know what Grace will do to my mother.