And when he slides one of his hands beneath my swimsuit to grab my bare ass and squeeze, my eyes shoot open and I realize what I’ve done.
I press my hands into his chest and shove him back, making him stumble into a group of girls who curse at him and shove him back toward me. His eyes are wild, hands up as he stares at me like I’m crazy.
“Oh, my God,” I whisper, covering my mouth, shaking my head as my eyes blur with tears.
I whip around and find Jess staring at me as she makes her way through the crowd, and Erin is behind her, screaming into her phone, her face bent in anger.
When Jess finally reaches me, she wraps a hand around my wrist and tugs. “Let’s go.”
“I kissed him,” I breathe, letting her pull me.
“I know.”
“I kissed him.”
She sighs, stopping her rampage through the crowd and turning to face me. She braces her hands on my arms, leveling her gaze with mine. “I know. It’s okay. You’re drunk. It didn’t mean anything.”
But I just shake my head, over and over, the fiercest chill of my life breaking across my skin as my stomach twists and turns, my throat burning.
And before Jess can pull me any farther through the crowd, I rip away from her hold and rush to the nearest bush, surrendering what little dinner I ate and every ounce of tequila I consumed.
Then, I drop to my knees and sob.
IF ANYONE WERE TO look down upon this scene from an aerial view, they would likely remark that it’s a lovely and serene sight to behold.
A stunning penthouse suite at a gorgeous Mexican resort, the sheer white curtains floating in the breeze, the expanded balcony with a private hot tub and plunge pool all so alluring and beautiful. The magical backdrop of a pristine white beach and turquoise water, currently reflecting the full moonlight overhead, and the distant sound of the waves washing ashore.
From the outside, it appears to be an absolutely extraordinary slice of paradise on Earth.
But inside?
It’s a goddamn disaster.
“I… I… I’m a monster,” Cassie cries to herself, snot and tears dripping down her face as she rocks herself back and forth on one of the daybeds. She sniffs, not even bothering to wipe away the mascara staining her cheeks. “How could I do that to Adam? How can I ever live with myself again?” She balked. “How do I tell him? Oh, God.”
She covers her face and sobs even harder, and Skyler winces, rubbing her back and doing her best to comfort her Little as she falls apart. She got down to the pool just in time to see Cassie vomit in the bushes after I sent her the S.O.S. text — and that was before I even knew about Cassie.
I sent it because of Erin.
Erin, who is now pacing back and forth, arms folded hard over her chest as she shakes her head over and over, tossing between murmuring to herself and screaming curse words loud enough for the entire resort to hear. Something happened to her around the same time Cassie had her meltdown, about an hour ago amidst the thumping music of the beach club, but she has yet to tell us what, exactly.
All we know is she looked at her phone, screamed bloody murder, cried, and has been pacing ever since we all dragged Cassie back here to console her.
Ashlei disappeared into the bathroom as soon as we got back, and for how long she’s been in there, I can only imagine she’s ralphing up the fruity shots we’ve been knocking back all night.
And then there’s me, swiping back and forth between two pictures on my phone, each depicting a different man I love.
Swipe.
Me on Kade’s back, my arms wrapped around his shoulders, lips pressed to his cheek as my hair falls over us like a curtain. His warm brown eyes are bright with love and adoration, his smile megawatt in size as he snaps the selfie.
Swipe.
Me and Jarrett in bed, his beast of a body encompassing all of mine as I curl my back into his chest like a cat. The morning sunlight reflects on our soft, sated smiles, and his dark eyes smolder at the camera, promising he’s nowhere near finished with the girl in his arms.
Swipe.
Kade.
Swipe.
Jarrett.
Swipe. Swipe. Swipe. Swipe.
Back and forth, over and over, I stare at those men — the men who own my heart — and feel it break at the realization that I will hurt one of them.
That I’ve already hurt them both.
I don’t deserve the patience they’ve given me — the space, the time. And I definitely don’t deserve their love.
But I have it, and though I love them both in return, I know there’s no putting off the decision I have to make.