“Get your dreams on your own.”
I hang up before she can answer, and nearly throw my phone but refrain. I do grip it so hard the screen protector cracks, though, and then I force a breath, dropping it to the side and flopping back on the daybed.
The sun has set now, the moon sliding in to take its place, and I stare up at the navy and purple sky with my heart racing.
Racing, and aching, and bleeding out.
I close my eyes, holding back the tears I feel burning behind my lids.
Slowly, I peel myself up again, reach for my phone, and pull up Kip’s contact.
I’m okay. I’m in Mexico for Ashlei’s bachelorette. Long story.
I pause, not yet sending it as I debate what to say next.
Go enjoy the premier — you’ve earned it.
Another pause, and then I add.
I’m so proud of you.
I send it before I can overthink it.
The little bubbles letting me know he’s typing appear in an instant, then disappear, then appear again, then disappear.
His heart is just as much at war as mine.
Finally, one simple text comes through.
Thank you.
For texting him back, for telling him where I am, for saying that I’m proud of him? I don’t know which.
I love you, I type out, the blinking cursor at the end of the sentence my only point of focus.
But I delete the words instead of sending them, and then I head back downstairs to the party, leaving my phone in the room for the rest of the night.
A LOW GROWL RIPS out of me as I thrust the barbell up again, chest puffing, lips flat as I force myself to keep breathing through the reps.
Seven.
Eight.
My muscles quake in protest, but I grit through the pain, willing my mental capability to be stronger than my physical as I thrust the bar up again.
Nine.
“Come on, one more,” Giselle says, standing over me with her fingertips under the bar like she could actually help me if I needed it.
She’s a buck thirty soaking wet, and I’m benching two-hundred-and-fifty pounds.
With all the effort I have left, I grunt and shove the bar away from my chest, hooking it on the rack as soon as I’ve extended my elbows to get the full lift.
A few guys around the gym murmur various encouragements to me as I sit up, mopping my forehead with my towel. They say damn, bro and nice and yes, sir as Giselle walks around the bench to face me, holding up her hand for a high five with a proud grin on her face.
I slap her hand. “Why are you looking at me like you’re the trainer?”
“For that little show, I was.”
I try to smile, but it comes up short. I haven’t had a full smile since Thanksgiving, since before I found out Gavin was back in town and Erin was talking to him.
And that she didn’t tell me.
The fact that she left town right after to go on Ashlei’s bachelorette didn’t help. She’s texted me a few times checking in, but I know she’s hanging with her sisters and I don’t want her to be glued to her phone.
I just wish she hadn’t left after a fight like that.
Planting weight onto my feet, I push off from where I’m seated on the bench and over to the barbell in front of the mirror. I start loading it up, preparing for a heavy deadlift when Giselle touches my shoulder.
“Hey, don’t you think we’ve pushed it hard enough for today?”
I shake my head without looking at her. “I need the release.”
“Well, what you don’t need is an injury.”
“I’m fine.”
“Maybe so,” she says, stepping in front of me to block me from putting more weight on the bar. “But as your boss, I’m calling it.”
“You’re not my boss,” I say, arching a brow.
“Your superior, whatever.” She waves her hand, and then when her arms fold over her chest again, she frowns. “Come on. Let’s hit the sauna. You can sweat it out.”
I hang my hands on my hips, body aching and so tired I know the possibility of injuring myself is actually higher than I want to admit.
“Sauna,” Giselle says, snapping her fingers in front of my face. “Now.”
I sigh, but relent, tossing my towel over my shoulder and cleaning up our space before I let her lead the way.
The gym is quiet for a Saturday evening, likely because most people are still spending time with their families. I’m thankful Giselle was down for a training session. I needed to get out of my house, out of my head.
We both sigh in relief when we take a seat on the warm wood in the sauna, the dark room already soothing us — body and soul. Hot rocks cook in the middle of the room, steam rising all around us, and we nod to the only other two people in with us — two girls who look fresh off a swim in the lap pool.