I can’t swim through it or fight through it. All I can do is watch it take me, swallowing, eating me alive until only a gasping mouth remains on the surface, desperately drawing in breath after dying breath.
But I cannot die. Cannot leave this world without her by my side. Cannot let myself breathe my last breath knowing she’s back with him, the man I hate most in the world, the man whose blood I’ve sworn to spill.
I’ll kill him one day, but not today. He won the battle today, and the bullet lodged inside me speaks of it just like the dozen of lifeless bodies littering the tiled floor.
I need to hang on to the last threads of vitality that bind me to this world.
Desperately, I cling to the shreds of life left in my body, even as my subconscious tries to force me to go under.
I have to live through this.
I have to get through this darkness, this void filled with everything and nothing at the same time. I cannot allow myself to be swallowed up by his black hole. He took everything from me again. I’ll force myself to live through this just so I can have my revenge.
Because I’ll never let him be the one to kill her.
That is my privilege.
Mine alone.
Chapter 1
RAIN
Eight years ago, I was forced to marry a monster.
Xavier Gunn is the leader of the Scorpion cartel, one of the most influential people here, and unfortunately, my husband.
For years, Xavier has tried to bring me to my knees.
I’ve watched him kill innocent men to get a reaction out of me.
He’s fucked other women in my presence.
And worst of all, he’s forced me to kneel for men I wanted to spit at. And yet I’ve never broken down for him, and I never will.
My husband may be the most twisted, cruel man in the country, but nothing will make me bow to him.
Ever since he captured me, the man has done everything in his power to make me his prisoner. And not just my body, my mind, too. He’s determined to break me and bring me to my knees. But I will not let him humiliate me any longer.
Not tonight, when there’s a real chance of me getting the hell out of this house.
I smile at the guests entering our home. I’ve been primped and trained to be a gracious hostess, and I’m determined to play the role to perfection. It might be the only way to escape.
“Stand up straight,” Xavier hisses at me.
I know better than to disobey him by now, so I straighten up to where it’s painful.
“You look lazy when you slouch like that.”
A flush threatens to color my cheeks, but I force it not to betray me. Being Xavier’s wife, I’ve learned plenty of tricks to keep myself obedient and to his liking. If I hadn’t, I’d still be paying for my insolence with blood.
We continue to greet the guests for another hour. My strappy black satin dress is showing off more of my body than I’d like, but every time I try to adjust the neckline, Xavier slaps my hand away, forcing me to remain exposed. It’s shameful, and I know he wants to show off his younger trophy wife, but it’s still humiliating for me.
I can feel all these men’s leering looks devouring me. If only the satisfaction of looking good was enough to keep me happy. And Xavier’s made damn sure I look good.
My strict diet means my body is trim and thin, and he spends thousands on stylists, hairdressers and manicurists who keep me looking perfect. But I don’t want to look perfect.
I long for the days where I could keep my golden hair wild, when I wore no makeup as I raced through the wheat fields. I miss Nana and I miss Heath. But now, eight years after coming to live at the Casa, I’m no closer to the answers I crave.
“Escort Signora Gunn to the table, please.”
Xavier hands me over to a guard whose hand wraps around my wrist. I wince at the pain, but my husband does nothing to stop the brute from dragging me into the house.
Inside, nobody bats an eye to the way I’m being treated. I’m used to it by now. After all, the men who are here today all treat their women the same way - Xavier is only one of many, though he might be the most cruel one of them all.
“Sit down,” the guard barks at me, pointing to a chair next to the head of the table.
I know better than to disobey, and I slide onto the chair. A moment later, Xavier joins me at the head of the table, smirking when he sees me rubbing my wrist from the pain the guard caused. I bet he’s enjoying this. I bet he loves seeing them hurt me. My resolve to get away only strengthens.