I’m surprised that my mother kept the invited guests down to a minimum, and there are only ten of us, which is a relief. Grace and I have our coffee and sandwiches in the kitchen, and as we’re relaxing there, Adrian Martin strolls in. Up close, the resemblance to me is even more startling. I notice other things, too, like how he tucks his hands into the pocket of his jeans, the same way I do when I’m nervous.
He smiles at us. “Hey, I hope I’m not interrupting a private moment.”
We assure him that he’s not, and he introduces himself.
“This is my girlfriend, Grace Hughes,” I tell him, glad that we did not shake hands as mine are clammy with sweat. I feel as if I’m on a movie set about to play a role that I haven’t practiced for.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Martin,” Grace says.
“Please call me Adrian. Mr. Martin makes me feel as old as I am,” he says.
Grace laughs, and I manage a small laugh as well. I feel as if I’m looking at an older version of myself. I like that he doesn’t take himself so seriously.
Grace stands. “If you’ll excuse me, I need to check on something.” She leaves, and the two of us are left alone in my mother’s kitchen.
“Would you like to sit down?” I tell him, gesturing at the stool that Grace just vacated.
“Yes, thank you,” he says. He sits down and lifts his gaze to me. Time is suspended as we study each other.
An odd feeling comes over me as I stare into his penetrating blue eyes, so like my own. It dawns on me that this is, in fact, my father. This is the man who sired me. Joy seeps through me, starting like a small leak from a faucet. Then I notice the tears in his eyes, and any fear I might have felt disappears. He is where I came from. Overwhelming feelings come over me, and tears flood my eyes.
He clears his throat. “Your mother told me.”
I nod. “She told me not too long ago either. It must have come as a shock to you.”
He smiles. “It did. But it was a good surprise. Not having children was my one big regret.”
I’m a grown man, and yet hearing him say that makes me want to bawl like a child. I feel wanted, a feeling I never felt with my stepfather. I feel a sense of belonging.
“I know it’s soon, and I should have waited until after this was over, but I couldn’t,” he says, his voice breaking. “I had to meet you.”
“I’m glad you did.”
It’s odd to be so at ease with a man I’ve only ever seen on the screen and to know that he’s my biological father.
“I’m sorry about the accident. I read about it,” he says.
“I was lucky to get out of it alive.”
And just like that, we talk. Nothing too deep. He tells me that he’s watched some of my work and how he’s always been drawn to me without knowing the reason why. He thought it was just one actor admiring another one in the new generation. We flit from topic to topic. I probe how he feels about my mother keeping such a huge thing from him.
“I was attracted to your mother at the time, but I knew she did not reciprocate my feelings. I also knew when she got married. Sleeping with her knowing that she was married, was wrong on my part, but I couldn’t help it. I hoped that she was done with her marriage. And then she disappeared, and I tried to put the whole business out of my mind.”
I’m impressed by how calm he is about it all.
“She loved your father and would have done anything for him, including providing him with a son. She did it for him.”
I’m not sure whether I’d have been that forgiving should our roles have been reversed.
“Of course, I would have preferred to have been part of your life from the very beginning, but focusing on that will change nothing. What I would like instead is to be a part of your life now, if you’ll let me?”
***
“I’m glad my mother told him,” I tell Grace later that evening as we’re having an after-dinner glass of wine.
Adrian and I had conversed for close to two hours, and we never ran out of things to talk about. He told me about his life now, which mostly consists of enjoying his ranch—which he invited me to—and his philanthropic organization.
“Which reminds me, he invited you and me to spend the weekend at his ranch. What do you think?” I’m excited at the prospect of getting to know him better.
We may never have a father and son relationship because we’ve found each other a little late for that kind of bonding, but I’m hoping we can become friends.