Patty and I nibble on ham and cheese sandwiches while the guys take huge bites of their roast beef subs. Then, Patty asks for my discarded pickles and I cringe as she dips them in Coke before popping them in her mouth.
“It’s the pregnancy cravings,” she says with a grin. “Trust me, when you’re pregnant, you’ll get them too.”
My cheeks flush hotly, and I glance quickly over at James. But fortunately, he’s now engrossed with his niece as they play some clapping game together. Thank goodness, because my maternal hormones are surging and a sudden wave of longing overtakes me. I want to be a mom and eat gross combinations of food. I want to have a baby growing under my heart with James’s black hair and blue eyes. But what are the chances of that happening?
This isn’t the time though. I put it out of my head for the rest of the picnic, and after another hour or so, we wave a merry goodbye to Luke and his family before setting off across the park towards home.
“Call me, okay girlfriend?” Patty asks while making the universal sign of telephone.
“Will do,” I laugh. “Bye Pixie!” I say, blowing kisses to the baby. “Love you!” Then, I turn and trot after James. It’s still a beautiful day, but to my surprise, my boyfriend’s expression is dark and grim.
“Are you okay?” I ask. “You seem kind of quiet.”
He doesn’t answer, but when we get to the penthouse, his expression is forbidding.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, utterly confused. “Did your brother say something?”
The handsome man literally snarls as he stalks to the bedroom.
“No, it’s not that,” he says with disgust. “But let’s just say that outing is exactly why I left New York in the first place.”
“Oh.” I stick my hands in the pockets of my dress, still confused. “But I thought it was really great. Did you not like the food?”
James merely shakes his head.
“Of course you don’t understand, Simona. You know, this little picnic reminded me of exactly what I don’t want from life. God, it was so goddamn family-oriented and suburban! I can’t believe how long Patty went on about babies and her pregnancy as if that’s all she has going on in her life. Did you hear her? She and my brother want six kids? What the fuck is wrong with them?”
My heart’s beating double time now.
“Well, everyone has their own ideas of what family life should look like,” I venture.
James just lets out a disgusted grunt.
“Yeah, whatever. I swear, parenthood has made both of them idiots. It’s like they’ve got shit for brains now, with the endless cooing and babytalk. It was honestly really hard to watch, and if I ever get like that, be sure to slap me across the face.”
I’m stunned and unbelievably hurt by what he’s said. How can he say such cruel things about Patty and her pregnancy? Or Luke and Pixie? These people are his family, and he should be excited to have a brood of nieces and nephews.
But then I realize I’ve been floating in my own fantasyland all along. James doesn’t want kids. He doesn’t want to be my boyfriend, much less my husband, and he can’t even tolerate his brother’s family. He doesn’t want the kind of future that I envision, and the realization hits me like a rock to the chest.
I bow my head and avert my gaze as the clock strikes midnight on my fairytale experience. “I see,” I murmur as tears prick my eyes. “Well, to each their own.”
Then, the handsome man runs a frustrated hand through his hair and growls something about heading into the sauna to sweat this off. Normally, I’d join him, but right now, being in the same room as James sounds awful. Instead, as his footsteps fade, I stand there, rooted to the spot like a statue. I can’t move, I can’t breathe, nor do I have a place in this beautiful penthouse anymore. I don’t want to stay, even though I know leaving the gorgeous, troubled James Montgomery will break my heart.
9
Simona
* * *
Somehow, I managed to get through the rest of evening with enviable aplomb. James had no idea that my emotions were all over the place, and that I almost broke down and cried a couple times. Needless to say, we didn’t make love. I made up an excuse about a headache, so my handsome employer merely pressed a tender kiss to my forehead before turning over.
Then in the morning, James rolled out of bed before stepping in the shower and going through his usual routine. The man actually whistled as the water came down, he was so fucking clueless. But when he leaned down to press a kiss goodbye to my cheek, I quickly closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I don’t think I could bear to look at him right now, much less kiss him goodbye like a good housewife.