“No.” I shook my head. “Not possible.”
“He threatened me. He told me I had to leave and never talk to you again. He didn’t want the baby to ruin your college career or your AFA chances before you even started school.”
“No,” I growled louder this time. “Dad wouldn’t do that. Nothing meant more to him than family. Nothing.”
She nodded against my protest. “Somewhere in his heart I believe he thought he was doing what he had to do to protect you and your mom. At least that’s what I’ve told myself.”
“How? How did he force you to leave? I want to hear it.” I gritted my teeth.
“He threatened to tell you it was someone else’s baby. He threatened to ruin me. I didn’t have a choice. I packed up and left.” She picked up the glass of wine and finished it off. “I didn’t want to leave, but what did I know? I was eighteen and pregnant. He scared me to death. So much that I listened to him.” Her eyes misted and the blue shook my soul. “I never should have done it. I shouldn’t have listened to him.”
“But you did.” The words fell as the defeat sank into my shoulders. What in the hell had my father done?
“Your mom was so sick.” She wiped her tears. “And I didn’t want to make that worse. She needed you. You needed her. I would have pulled you away from her last days. I knew that even back then. I knew I was going to rob you of time with her. Precious time you wouldn’t get back.”
“You didn’t think I was a strong enough man to figure it out on my own?”
“I’ve always thought you were strong. You were the strength I needed every day in my life. It was never that I thought you weren’t strong enough.” She covered her face with her hands. “It was because I wasn’t strong enough.”
“Where’s the baby Sierra? What happened to the baby?” I felt a desperate instinct kick in. Maybe that should have been my first question. Where was my child?
“It wasn’t ever going to be a baby. The pregnancy was ectopic. I miscarried two months after I left.”
“Shit.” My mouth hung open.
“By then I didn’t think I could come back. I had already ruined everything. And I couldn’t tell you I had lost the baby. I just couldn’t.”
“I could have handled it.”
“Really?” she questioned. “Your mom was gone. You were grieving and I didn’t want to ruin the happiness you had in your life. You deserved those. You were already headed to the conference championships. You were rookie of the year. You had a new girlfriend.” Her eyes hardened. “I didn’t have a place in your life anymore.”
“She wasn’t a girlfriend. And it wasn’t a happy time.” I ran my hands through my hair. “This is fucking unbelievable.”
I rose from the floor and paced the edge of the porch. I felt like a caged tiger. There was nowhere to go. And even though I felt restless, I felt like I couldn’t leave her. Not after she had just told me she was going to have my baby all of those years ago.
“I know. I know it is. And I’m sorry, Blake. I should have been stronger back then, but I wasn’t. You were my life. My everything. I didn’t know what to do without you. And I didn’t have the courage to stand up to your dad. Not without you I couldn’t.”
My hand rested on the railing and I looked at her.
“All these years I’ve been angry as hell at you.”
“I know you have.”
“So angry, I wanted every trace of you gone. Every memory. Every song. Every movie. Every joke we laughed about. And you know how I did it?”
She shook her head slowly.
“I fucked every woman I met. I fucked them so you wouldn’t be in here anymore.” I pounded my chest. “I threw everything I had into football. And I became the best. The absolute best.” I clenched my jaw. “So I guess I should thank you for that, Sierra.” The bitterness in my voice was palpable. I didn’t know if I was angrier before she told me or now.
“Blake…”
“Don’t,” I growled. “Don’t you dare give me your fucking pity.” I glared at her. “I got over you. And some story about a baby that doesn’t exist doesn’t bring that all back.”
Her slender frame extended from the chair and she walked toward me. Graceful. Beautiful. Sexy.
“It doesn’t have to bring anything back.”
Her hand touched my arm, singeing my skin with heat.