“I read the text. Why not?” I still wasn’t willing to cancel the visit without some kind of emergency reason.
“Because Charlie wants me to use your trip as another chance for us to be seen together. It’s supposed to be another headline for me. And I can’t get out of it.”
“What do you mean?”
Luke’s PR manager didn’t have the same hold over him as Jake had over me. Of course he could say no. He had already ended things between us in the press. He could keep up his end of the deal. We only had four more weeks to go. Once we were on the red carpet at the CYAs this would all be out in the open. I could go to his games without hiding. He could watch me perform from backstage. We could spend the holidays together. Go skiing. All those things normal couples did. It was four weeks away.
“If you don’t go to the hospital then it’s not a fucking problem, Alexa. Don’t go and we don’t have to worry about it.”
I didn’t like his tone. None of it. I narrowed my eyes. “Excuse me?”
“Cancel it and this goes away for now.”
“Why should I have to cancel a charity event? You need to tell Charlie you aren’t going to ambush my appearance. We have an agreement.” I tossed that on the end, but I realized it was a mistake.
“Do you think I’m trying to out us? Because that’s the opposite of what I’m trying to do. Why are you being so stubborn? Don’t go to the hospital.”
“You shouldn’t go to the hospital.”
He groaned into the phone. “If you go, I have to go. If you don’t then there is no story. This is on you, Alexa.”
“It is not. This is my job. Do you have any idea how many children are waiting to see me? Can you imagine their expressions or how their hearts are going to feel if they find out I canceled? And why would I? There’s no good reason for it.”
“The reason is to protect your precious image.”
“Precious? Are you mocking it?”
“Shit. Stop picking a fight with me. You don’t know what I’ve dealt with today. You have no idea what I’ve tried to do for you.”
“You’re right. I don’t. But I thought I came here to see my boyfriend and do some charity work. Maybe I’ll only do one of those.”
He huffed. “You’re serious? You’re that mad?”
I didn’t know what I was. Everything was crumbling and crashing around me like shards of shattered glass at my feet. Why was Luke doing this—making me choose between sick children and my relationship with him.
Why was he arguing? Why didn’t he just take care of it?
“Maybe I am.” But I wasn’t. I wanted to see him. I had craved another look into his eyes since he was in Nashville. I’d been waiting for his lips. Desperate for his hands.
I didn’t like being backed in a corner and neither did he.
“Fuck, Alexa. You aren’t making this easy.”
“Anything else?” I sassed. “Because I’m leaving for the hospital and it’s not the kind of thing I can be late for.”
“No.”
He hung up and I stared at a dark phone. What in the hell had I just done? I fell back on the bed, letting my hair fan out around me. My eyes floated to the ceiling. I was supposed to be at the hospital soon singing and signing autographs. Those kids depended on me. Their parents counted on me to give them joy. To bring them hope and kindness.
I wiped the first and last tear that rolled from the corner of my eye and sat forward.
Luke and I didn’t fight. This felt like my heart had been bruised and pummeled. I almost couldn’t breathe. What if he walked away? What if I wasn’t worth fighting through the fight?
I walked to the bathroom to fix my makeup. Helena would be annoyed if she saw I had ruined her artwork. I’d given her more leeway with Jake in another state. My skirt was short too. I felt liberated finally wearing what I wanted.
I needed to burn through the minutes I had before the driver arrived. I wasn’t ready to see anyone. I wasn’t in any condition to cheer up children. I had to get my shit together. The realization hit me like a punch—I might be spending my nights alone from now on.
28