“This is my fault.”
Gabriel saw the pain. He didn’t understand it, but he knew something was very, very wrong, and if Sir Adam wouldn’t tell him what it was, then his mother must. But still her next words were completely unexpected, and they shocked him.
“Before I married your father I was another man’s mistress.”
He swallowed down the lump in his throat. He didn’t, he realized, think any the worse of her because of what she’d just revealed; it wasn’t that. He was shocked because it had never occurred to him that his sweet and gentle mother had such a risqué past.
“Why?” he rasped.
“I was foolish enough to believe the promises made to me. I ran off with him and then I was trapped, ruined, with no way of going back. Your father knew, of course. He accepted matters. Besides, we were in love, deeply in love. So I left this man and married your father. I did not see him again until just recently.”
She’d been avoiding his gaze, but now Gabriel took her hands gently in his and squeezed them, forcing her to look up at him.
“Mama, none of this matters. In our family a scandal is as normal as breathing.”
She smiled in acknowledgment, but he could see it was an effort. “Oh, Gabriel, if only that was all it was. A scandal.”
“Tell me,” he insisted.
She met his intent blue gaze, so like his father’s. “When the news came out about the Great Exhibition, I saw Lord Appleby’s name in the newspapers, and I wrote to him. I…I had fond feelings for him, once. I told him I was pleased he was such a success, and I spoke a little of my own life.” She swallowed. “I was relieved, you see, that he had found happiness in his life and business. I’d always felt guilty for abandoning him.”
“Appleby was the man you…?”
“Yes. I was his mistress. Do you begin to get an inkling now, Gabriel? Are you sure you want to know more? There is much worse to come.”
“Tell me.”
“After I left Appleby and married your father, I discovered I was with child.”
The words fell like stones into the well of his heart, but this time she didn’t pause to allow him time to recover.
“I wasn’t certain who the father was but we—your father and I—decided it didn’t matter. You would be his child no matter what. When you were born I was sure you were Adam’s son—in many ways you are very like him—but Adam couldn’t accept the truth after all. He’s always found it difficult.”
“He thinks I am Appleby’s son.” He could see the truth in her eyes.
“No! Not really. But he has doubts.” She sighed. “I should never have written to him. It appears that he made inquiries into our lives and now believes you are his, and he is threatening Adam with disclosure.”
“I can’t imagine my father being worried about that.”
“He isn’t. Not for himself. It is me, Gabriel. He says he doesn’t want me to be exposed before the censorious eyes of society. No
one knows about my past, you see. We’ve always kept it a secret. It would be…difficult. I would imagine the ladies of the parish would refuse to speak to me.” She tried to laugh, but it sounded more like a sob.
His mother was always busy in the village where she lived; she was a part of the community, a well-loved part. What would a scandal like this do to her?
“Why would Appleby want to hurt you, Mama?” he said gently.
“Because I dared to love another man better than he, and I left him to marry that man and live happily ever after. That is what he cannot forgive, Gabriel.”
“So this is all about hurt pride and revenge?” Gabriel muttered.
“I think so. He wants us to suffer. You, especially, because you should have been his son. He is childless, did you know? All his pride in his achievements will come to nothing when he is dead—he has no one to pass it on to.”
His mother, still beautiful, managed a shaky smile. “Can you forgive me, Gabriel?”
He wrapped her in his arms, feeling her fragility, suddenly afraid of what was happening to them. No matter what she said, he knew she couldn’t survive being ostracized by her friends and neighbors. It would break her gentle heart. Fury swept through him in a hot, scalding wave, taking with it any consideration of caution.
“I’m so sorry about Wexmoor Manor,” she murmured into his chest. “I know you love it.”