Hell, maybe I was insane. Jake swears she’s never dated Mitch and the way they’ve interacted since the prom, seems to say he’s right. That should make me happy. Hell, maybe it would if it didn’t point out just how epically I fucked everything up by going out with Chas… and then sleeping with her.
That night is still almost a complete blank for me. The kicker is when I do have these small, incomplete flashes of what happened, it’s not Chas’s face I see. It’s Callie’s. To say it hurts doesn’t begin to explain it. I don’t understand what got into me. I just know I hate the man who stares back at me in the mirror. I haven’t spoken to Chas and as far as I can tell, neither has Mitch. Jake tells me Mitch has changed completely when he’s around Callie—even swears he’s nice to Katie and has apologized to her for being a dick. He and I don’t talk. I might not know what in the fuck is wrong with me, but I’m a hundred percent sure that Mitch has not changed. He’s just a master manipulator.
I keep looking over there and right then, Callie throws her head back laughing. Her long dark hair falls back in soft waves along her back, the muscles in her throat ripple, revealing the delicate curve that I’d love to kiss. After her initial laugh, she shakes her head and looks at Jake. I can’t hear her laughter now, but I do in my head. Her eyes sparkle.
God she’s beautiful.
I ache for her and not for sex. Sex is the last thing I want from anyone right now. It’s hard to explain. Knowing I had sex and not being able to remember it leaves me feeling disgusted with myself. You would think with my background and watching my old man that I would know to watch myself when I drink.
Apparently not.
I turn away from the door, press my back against the wall, and slowly slide to the floor. I thrust my hands into my hair and allow myself a minute of pity. Everything just feels out of control. I don’t understand anything that has happened, and I just wish I knew how to go back and stop it all.
I don’t know how long I’m like this. That’s another thing that seems to be happening more and more since prom. I zone out, losing sight of everything. I just know I hear Jake talking when I look up. At least he’s alone and hopefully that means that Callie didn’t see how pitiful I am.
“You okay, man?”
“Yeah, great,” I mutter, trying to focus on him.
I don’t want to say fear grips me when people try to talk to me, but that’s exactly what it feels like. I want to run away. Jesus, my head is a mess.
“You don’t look so good.” He’s looking at me, and I can see from his face he’s worried. He’d really be worried if I told him everything. As far as he knows, I’m just broken over messing everything up with Callie. I don’t have it in me to tell him everything. Mostly, I don’t want anyone to know how screwed up I am right now.
“That’s you, master of understatement,” I mutter.
“Yeah,” he says with a smile, although his face is still tight with worry. Jake’s like a brother to me—him and Jeff both, really. Hell, they’re better than that. Especially since I can’t truly stand my own brother. “You want to ride over to the stockyards with me? Grayson is going to let me ride some bulls so I can work on my form. The state rodeo is in a month and I’m hoping to make a good enough show to grab some sponsors.”
“Does Katie know you’re planning to go on the road?” I ask him. He doesn’t answer, but I can tell from his face that he hasn’t told her yet. I start to lecture him on hurting her and how that’s worked out for me, but I don’t. My relationship with Callie is in shambles. I’m the last person who needs to give advice. I slowly get to my feet and nod. “Sure, Jake. I’ll ride over there with you,” I mumble.
22 Callie
“Hey, Callie.”
I look up to see Jake. I frown because he’s never come into the flower shop before. I got a part time job here to supplement what I make staying with Mrs. Johnson. Now that I’m not in school, that works out great. This is my first full day—before I was only working on the weekends.
“Hey, Jake. I haven’t seen you in here before. Are you ordering some flowers for Katie?” I ask.
“Uh, no. Katie isn’t exactly happy with me right now,” he mutters. “Maybe I should send her flowers.”
“Are you guys fighting? She didn’t mention it on the phone last night.”