“You said you’d be gone for at least a week.” I scoot closer, needing him to form a protective layer over me. “How are you here?”
“You didn’t answer my calls or respond to my texts, April. How could I not come home and fix whatever is broken?”
I just want to live in our perfect little bubble. I don’t want to think about what I’m facing, but I can’t avoid it. Tears streak down my face, and Nate holds it in his warm palms, letting it happen because he knows it’s part of my process.
“Baby, I’m kind of freaking out. Can you please tell me what’s wrong? Is it the baby?”
I don’t really know how to answer that last question. Technically, it’s about the baby.
“The baby is fine,” I assure him, knowing what he was asking.
He breathes a sigh of relief, and I feel a wave a guilt for ignoring him since that’s where his head went.
I go into what happened at the school with Cory, and by the time I’m done, he’s vibrating with barely restrained anger.
“Did he touch you?”
I shake my head. “No, he didn’t.”
Then he doesn’t say anything. It’s like he’s trying to accept what’s going to happen. Is he happy that the Clarks will take my baby, and he no longer has to worry about dealing with me?
“It’s going to be fine,” he says, his voice a low grumble.
“It won’t be,” I argue. “There’s nothing fine about my baby being taken away.”
I try to pull away, but he stops me. “April, no one is going to take our baby away.”
“They have connections and money. I barely make enough working part time to pay my cell phone bill.”
His lips form a flat line. “We have connections. We have money.”
“I can’t lose this baby,” I tell him, my eyes still shedding tears.
Losing the baby means losing him. It’s what brought us together. I don’t know if we’ll survive without him or her.
“Let’s get showered. I know you’ve been in bed since you got home from work yesterday, and I spent nearly seven hours on a plane.”
I climb out of the bed when he urges me to get up, but honestly, I don’t care if I ever shower again. My world is imploding, and the very last thing I’m worried about is whether my pits stink or not. But I lift my arms when he urges my shirt up, and I step out of my jeans when he pushes them down.
He strips as well before guiding us into the bathroom. He holds me close, a warm hand tracing up and down my spine as we wait for the water to warm. He’s hard. The man always has an erection, but we both ignore it.
“Is it as hopeless as it feels?” I ask as we step inside and let the warm water cascade down on us.
“Not even close. I promise we’re going to fix this.”
We’re… as in we. He believes the two of us are a team, and as we wash, I try to wrap my head around that enough to believe it. He’s not giving up at the first bump in the road. He isn’t giving me all the things he thinks are pros if the Clarks did take my baby. He’s fighting for him or her; he’s fighting for us.
“I missed you so much,” he says, his soapy hands running down my back as he presses his forehead to mine. “Please trust me that everything is going to work out.”
“I do,” I tell him, my eyes fluttering closed when he brushes his lips against mine.
We finish our shower, and I do feel a little better, a little more human, but I’m not completely out of this fog.
“Cory compared the clubhouse to the compound back in California,” I say as we get dressed.
I could lie in bed for hours with him if it meant forgetting just for a little while what is going on.
“You don’t seem concerned,” I say when he doesn’t respond.
His eyes are on me while I put my bra on. “Cerberus is in great standing with the community. I’m not concerned about what Cory Clark thinks goes on here, and if a judge or whoever makes those types of decisions is concerned, we can easily move to a new house.”
I realize the instant he says it, that moving is the very last thing that I want. Of course, I’m willing to do whatever is required to keep the three of us together, but I feel safe here, especially when he’s gone. I know there are always people I can turn to for help or just conversation if I’m feeling lonely. The women here go through the very same thing I do when the men are gone. They’re missing their significant others too, and we’ve been able to form a bond because of that.