“I’ve never seen this show before,” I say, changing the subject and hoping we can stick with it this time.
“We need to lay some ground rules.”
I drop my eyes to the pizza box sitting on the bed between us. “Okay.”
“Well, maybe not rules. I just need a little clarification on how honest you want me to be.”
I freeze. Is he already backtracking?
“And before you get lost in that pretty little head of yours, I’m not talking about lying or anything like that, but I need to know how open you want me to be.”
“As open as possible.”
“Are you sure?”
I feel his gaze on me, and it’s a struggle to look up at him. I’ve been trained to avert my eyes when being spoken to. Eye contact in some situations at Knight Salvation is considered disrespectful, and that’s the last thing I want to do where Nate is concerned.
“Yes,” I answer. “You told me you wanted to know what I’m thinking. I want the same from you.”
He nods, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Every thought? I only ask because I think a lot, or should I say, I can’t really control where my mind goes.”
“For example?”
“Like I want to lick that dab of sauce from your bottom lip.”
I grab a paper napkin and wipe my mouth with it.
“Like my cock was so hard earlier when you were sleeping, I was tempted to press it against you instead of climbing out of the bed.”
I blink at him, my cheeks warming, and it takes so much power not to look away as embarrassment fills my body.
“Like I didn’t go in there and stroke myself off because I want the next time I come to be inside of you.”
“Those are… umm… a lot of thoughts.”
“That I wish it was later in the evening so I can wrap you in my arms and obsess over how good you smell.”
“I’m always down for a nap, no matter the time of day.”
“That I’m not even ashamed to admit that I’ve mentally pictured you coming on my fingers, my mouth, and my cock.”
Is it getting hot in here?
“That I have this insane urge to mark you with my cum. That I need to see it on your skin.”
My breathing grows ragged.
“That I ache for your lips around my cock. That when you licked sauce off your finger a minute ago, I got hard, and it hasn’t gone away.”
My eyes dart to his waist before I can stop them. He has the blanket pulled up around his waist, as do I, so I can’t really tell.
“I’ve never done that.”
“Gotten that turned on?”
“No, I mean, I’ve never… in my mouth. I’ve never done that.”
He groans, his hands going to his face, angling it toward the ceiling, as he falls from sitting to his back pressed to the headboard.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter.
He jerks his head back in my direction. “For what? For never having a cock in your mouth? Jesus, April, do you know what it does to a man to imagine being the first one to experience that with a woman?”
“It frustrates them?” I guess.
“Not even close. Are we still being honest with each other?”
My eyes widen when my head nods. I was fully prepared to tell him maybe complete and total honesty isn’t the best thing, and my head just took over, acting on its own accord.
“I don’t think I’m going to hold on to the no-masturbation pact I made with myself.”
“Okay.”
“You’ll be truthful with me as well?” I nod again, my mouth growing dry, but I can’t seem to pull my eyes away from him long enough to grab my bottle of water from the bedside table to quench that thirst.
“What did you just think when I told you that last part?”
“I pictured you… touching yourself.”
“Okay. Where?”
“On your—”
“No, I mean, was I doing it here in this bed, at the clubhouse?”
“In the bathroom because that’s where I saw your… you know.”
“Cock.”
“Yes, that.”
He chuckles, but it doesn’t feel like he’s making fun of me.
“Can you say it?”
I shake my head, and he doesn’t push. Cory would’ve turned it into a game, being mean to me if I didn’t comply. It became clear long ago that Cory and Nate are absolutely nothing alike.
“Are you turned on right now?”
I nod, drawing a wider smile to his face.
“This is nothing like it is in real life.”
“Huh?”
He points to the television, a movie about American soldiers on the screen.
It takes a while before my brain is capable of switching gears, and I have to blink away the images he conjured about masturbating in order to watch the television again.
“Were you in the military?” I manage eventually as I lift my slice of pizza from the box and take a bite, making sure I don’t make any of those noises he mentioned.
My body is on fire as I listen to him tell me about his four years in the Marine Corps, and I’m still a bundle of tightly wound nerves when he goes into talking about what Cerberus does.